Posted by adamie on May 31, 2002, at 15:53:31
In the early days of my severe depression and anxiety caused by accutane it was quite the pain in the a$$ when it came to doctors. i dont remember much from my very first pdocs but lets just say one of them refused to believe what i told him. not only did he say it's impossible depression didn't go away from after stopping the accutane (there are pure facts against what he thinks) but he also would believe that the various medications i was trying were effecting me badly. For example prozac made me suicidal after just one dose. Is this is so hard to believe? side effects from meds can happen after the first dose cant they? and that's what happened here. he said the med cant have any effect until several weeks. yes the so called 'anti depressant effect' but other effects can happen before that. he refused to believe what i told him and he didn't take me seriously so i said goodbye to that jerk. he was quite arrogant as well.and i also had a bad experience with a councelor who was actually just a social worker... she didn't understand me at all. she couldn't understand why i had low motivation, no interests, no energy, little appetite, inability to enjoy things, anxiety, and feeling horrible, lack of concentration... she just said "you gotta get out there, do this, do that, you can only feel better if you make yourself feel better" or some other nonsense. gee i suppose someone with schizophrenia is supossed to stop seeing illusions by simply doing more daily activities? whatever. i need the motivation to do things. if i'm all shakey, and dealing with horrible mind torture on a constant basis i will simply not be able to function like everyone else. this lady had no idea what i was going through no matter what i told her.
anyway i was later admited to the hospital for the mental ward hoping to get greater help since i would see a doctor every 2 days. they had me take tests. intelligence tests. very high turned out. then some depression test. anyway i didn't answer it 100% honestly. for example "do you ever feel suicidal", a question similar to that... i would say no. i was afriad if i said YES i would be locked up in the hospital for a long while. i did not want that. they should have made it clear to me that it did not matter how i answered the test. anyway somehow the doctor came to the conclusion that i am not suffering from anything at all. just based on that one damn question. but i didn't find this out until SEVERAL months later. so all this time those doctors who treated me in that hospital didn't take me seriously. no matter what they saw in my behaviour, crying, shaking, inability to sleep, lack of energy, i was just some faker according to them or some hypocondriac.
no wonder my last pdoc decided to stop trying me on any meds.
but anyway i hope for a brand new start with this depression clinic i am going to on june 5th. i will tell them exactly what happened with the hospital.
i mean i saw people there with the white suits, and before taking the tests there were rules outlined showing the various patient freedoms. stage 4 or something is very high risk and such patients couldn't even leave the main hall. i didn't want to be like some prisoner. so i feared being completely honest on the test.
oh well.
anyway i hope they will arrange for me to get a ct scan. if something is wrong with my brain the scan will 100% Prove it right? then i can finally put all the skeptics to rest. including my MOTHER and grandmother who seem to only partially believe me due to what doctor told them about the test. and my mom is the type of person who never believed such things as mental illness exist. she thinks schizophrenics are just crazy lunatics. and that if someone has depression they just need to snap out of it. well when someone is sad that can be the case but for true mental illness no.
my illness though (severe dep, anxiety, mind torture) was caused by a medication. so will this still show up on the ct scan (cat scan)? any type of brain problem correct?
so deffinetly i will have proof.
poster:adamie
thread:108233
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020525/msgs/108233.html