Posted by hildi on July 23, 2002, at 19:44:35
In reply to Hildi, they're letting us down, posted by velaguff on July 23, 2002, at 12:31:44
Hi. I do feel let down and at the mercy of these doctors. I left my pdr.'s office yesterday humiliated, dejected, horrible. I felt like I had been raped.
I was 'ganged up on' by my pdoc and the psychologist. Everything I said was dismissed. Some I said things were used against me. I was accused of trying to diagnose myself. (When asked what my diagnosis is, doc won't tell me. Don't I have a right to know?)After learning more about different types of depression-here on this website- I think I have BP2-mixed states. It really seems to sum me up more appropriately than anything else I've come across as far, and it was a relief to read BarbaraCats post about this. I didn't know there was a word for this and that others were feeling this way, too. It also helps to explain my reaction to a/d's. My pdoc dismissed any discussion about this, however. He said I seemed fine, not manic. He gets this insight based on the 5 minute he spends with me every few months.
I go through phases-(and others do too- I'm not alone!) but he wouldn't even talk about this stuff. He just condoned this kind of talk.All the information I had obtained, even brought with me from respected medical journals pertaining to the way I physically feel and possible explanations for this was laughed at by the doc, and the psychologist didn't support me either. (I am sick- my body is just plain wigging out. Some of this I have found out could be because of the meds, some of this is due to thyroid, some to pre-menopause, some to the meds making me dizzy, nauseaus, spinning sensations, and mania, big time)
Both of these docs said I feel the way I do because I read bad information. In other words, I brought it all on myself through the power of suggestion. Shit, if I was that good I'd just wish myself well. Nothing I said mattered.
At this point I lost my cool and started crying very loudly, almost yelling. This got me nowhere. They both just looked at me as if I was crazy. Sure I was over-reacting. I do this. I overreact to everything- I'm sick and I'm not making it up!
So, I tried another approach. I played the passive role again and asked the pdoc what did he think I should try next, all the meds we were trying were not helping, only making me feel worse (another reason I suspect medical problems here) his response: Doesn't matter what I think. I don't know what to do with you. "How about this", I'd ask . . His reply: "I don't know, you don't like anything, anyway. One things just as good as another".
What a waste of time. I may as well see a drug dealer, for all the help I get with this man. I left with a prescript for Paxil.. I don't want to use another SSRI, especially paxil. I hear so much negative about it. I alternate being periods of being a zombie, to being over-charged and manic on these SSRI's. Could this one be any different?
I don't know what to do. I sure wish I had a doctor I could trust and talk to about all this stuff. I read posts by others who actually talk about neurons, etc . .with their pdocs. My pdoc wouldn't even hear of it. According to him I ask too many questions.
I think I have a right to ask and a right to know. I will continue to try to find out as much as possible to try to help myself.Thanks for listening to this long post- I had to tell someone.
Hildi
poster:hildi
thread:113415
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020718/msgs/113465.html