Posted by Mimi on July 23, 2002, at 20:08:36
In reply to Re: ECT info needed!, posted by Chloe on July 23, 2002, at 18:13:06
> Dave, I am sorry you didn't have good follow up after your ECT. Was it a last resort for you? Or were you still having some good days, before you opted for ECT?
>
> Dave or Mimi, did you have to be off all antiepileptic drugs? I take 250 mgs depakote and 600 neurontin + 10 of valium. God, I think if I tapered it would be hell. I am bearly hanging on with what I taking.
>
> I still don't think I am depressed enough for ECT. I have been treatment resistant for over 20 years. I don't think I have felt "happy" (wired, agitated, yes) for more than a day or two in many years. I have never gotten a good, consistant response from meds(expect AP's), and I have had a lot of good therapy.
>
> I just don't know what to do now. I can't imagine that this is as good as life gets. I have chronic emotional pain, at times agitated and suicidal. Other times, somewhat tolerable. But I don't enjoy very much, or *want* to do anything. And I am making those around me miserable.
>
> Mimi, you mentioned that friends drove you to and from treatments, and others stayed with you at night. My friends have long faded away, and I keep my mental troubles discreet as possible from acquiatiances. How do you keep friends with major depression/rapid cycles? Don't answer if you don't want to...
> I also have no family in the region, so they can't help me with treatments, etc. And I would hate to be locked up. That would be awful.
>
> The ECT doc called today while I was out about a consult. I am very frightened now. And I don't even have an appointment yet. Gosh, this just seems so risky since I am somewhat functional, but definitely in a rut. Meds aren't working and the mood stabilizers give me such awful side effects. But those I need the most, in leiu of AP's
>
> Sorry for the anxious ramble.
> ChloeDear Chloe,
Don't throw in the towel yet. Really. You can be helped. I was completely treatment resistant for YEARS.You need friends and support people. My life turned around when I joined a Depression/Manic-Depression Support Group. Find one. They are everywhere. Call NAMI at 800-639-6480. This is a state number but they will give you the number for your state. That's a start.
If you can afford it go to a bodyworker: massage, etc.
My family has been of little help to me. I work at cultivating friends. My friends have been very supportive of me getting ECT. I even told one of my bosses without an adverse reaction. One friend of mine had many many rounds of ECT and is now running for statewide political office after having been "out" about her ECT treatments.
Yes, they did clear my system of AP drugs and benzos before they did ECT. Yes, it is risky. They told me I could die, but what did I care. At least I was doing something after having been in the rut for 20 odd years.
Now, I work 20 hours a week, have a full social calendar and even have a new boyfriend who knows my history!
Keep posting; don't give up. I check my e'mail every day. Sincerely yours, Mimi
poster:Mimi
thread:113035
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020718/msgs/113468.html