Posted by lawrence s. on November 9, 2002, at 1:30:09
In reply to Lamictal is making me suicidal, posted by Jerrympls on November 7, 2002, at 22:58:10
> I'm only on a small dose of Lamicatal - I think I am taking 25mg twice daily. I noticed some werid irritability and "bad mood" when i started it. Then after a couple weeks I was to go up to 50mg twice daily. Well, I think Monday was when I started uping the dose - I took 50mg in the morning and went to work. At first I was really irritable. Then - for the rest of the day the psychological pain was almost to the point of unbearble. I could only think of killing myself to end the pain. I hated everything and everyone. I had to hide in the men's room at work to cry.
>
> How long will it go on that pdocs prescribe me meds that consistantly do not work, only cause side effects, worsen my condition, kill my sex drive, kill my passion for music (among other things), make me stupid, irritable, unable to sleep, or sleep too much, increase anger, - etc etc etc.
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> Don't get me wrong - my current pdoc is great and he's the best I've ever had. But, nothing is making me better - after 11 years - nothing. ECT, experimental treatments, antipsychotics, combination treatments, talk-therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy......
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> No medication....lots of medication - it's consistantly the same thing.
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> Why don't they hear me when I tell them corticosteriods erase my depression within 3 days? Or that hydrocodone works well and has lkept me able to move to a new state and hold a job....why do they turn off their ears and hide their eyes??
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> I know that most of my past docs and my current doc have done or are doing the best they can with my frustrating case - and I am forever gratefull. But I can no longer think that a different SSRI plus a different antipsychotic will work when it didn't work the 1st-5th times.
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> I just can't imagine things getting any better anytime soon.
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> I no longer want all of life's pains, and none of life's pleasures.
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> Who shall I pray to? God? Been there -done that - and nothing. Should I join a cult? How about be cured by Dr. Phil? Maybe one of Oprah's books will cure my ills? Street drugs? nah. Hmm..what else? Become a vegetarian? Have all my fillings replaced? Sit in front of a light box? Keep a journal describing hell on earth everyday? Watch a funny movie? Supplements? L-tryptophan? Magnets on my head? Implant in my chest? Hormones? Hobbies? Set goals? Lose weight? Walk in front of a bus? Co2? Jump off a bridge? Write my parents a letter about how they ruined my childhood? Write myself a letter about how I've had no life for the past 11 years? Maybe watch the Ana Nicole show marathon? By the way - how come she gets unlimitied access to vicodin and she has no ailement? Perhaps I should not wear underwear to work tomorrow? Perhaps I should stop going to work? Stop calling friends? Stop answering my phone? Close the shades and hope life doesn't find me?
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> All of life's pains....none of life's pleasures.
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> To be....or not to be.
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>
Jerrympls,
I can relate to a lot of stuff you said. I too am just recovering from a lamictal trial. You described my experince exactly. Especially losing passion for music part. I also did'nt care for becoming a dimwit and losing my sense of humor either. It was the closest I have come to suicide in my lifetime. My mood would change from ok to deep, deep, despair, rage, distrust, hate. I thought I was going to hurt someone.
I have had good response to Nardil. Have you tried it yet? In my opinion it is the only antidepressant that works. all of the ssri's snri's tca's all gave me fleeting sense of releif.
I have a hunch that Nardil has some kind of action on opiate receptors. I plan to go back on it soon. I had to stop because of surgery. Believe me, giving up the cheese, wine, beer, ect. was a small price to pay for how much better I felt. My only fear is poopout, which is so common with the maoi's.
You are not alone. "Seek and ye shall find"
And when you do find, let me know!
Larry
poster:lawrence s.
thread:126920
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021108/msgs/127024.html