Posted by Ame Sans Vie on January 19, 2003, at 13:28:23
In reply to Re: Ame Sans Vie---are you sure, posted by lostsailor on January 19, 2003, at 12:50:24
lol, don't worry about it. How could I expect anything *but* skepticism with a med regimen like that?
Hmm... about my avoidance. It's very difficult for me to describe... maybe because it's such a deeply ingrained personality trait that I tend not to notice it. That is, not until it gives me a swift kick in the ass. Which it likes to do at any given opportunity.
Concerning the etiology of my current diagnosis... Christ, even that's a tough one. I mean, growing up I was dx'd ADHD. But recently my mother had me read an article in some magazine ('Time' maybe?) about bipolar children, and the traits they tend to exhibit. It was strikingly similar to ADHD in so many respects, yet seemed to make a lot more sense in my case. I still don't know what to make of that. If anything, I have a mild cyclothymic disorder and irrational outbursts of anger... but I'm certainly not bipolar.
I played in very popular local bands and had hundreds of friends up until I was about 17 (I'm 20 now). That was around the time I got heavy into drugs (mostly pot, liquor, coke, LSD, ecstasy, mushrooms, narcotics, other pills... well, okay, damn near everything, lol). The dx of AvPD was pretty easy to come to, as I was consistently making excuses not to go to appointments with my pdoc.
It seems like I can function just fine on a 'business' level (though I'm a little nervous), even maintaining eye contact with waiters, cashiers, etc. But when introduced to somebody on a more informal level, I just freeze up. I feel so stupid and inadequate... can never think of anything interesting or witty to say. So unless I'm cornered into it, I avoid this type of interaction at all costs... even with close family, sadly enough. But the benzos have completely relieved me of my symptoms-- my new friends actually consider me to be an extrovert and the life of the party. I couldn't be happier. =)
--Michael
P.S. Yes, it means four times a day, ;-)
poster:Ame Sans Vie
thread:136399
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030119/msgs/136565.html