Posted by ayuda on January 23, 2003, at 21:23:55
In reply to Re: How do you know if you have GAD? » JESSsMom, posted by proud mary on January 23, 2003, at 11:44:48
No offense at all. Seeing other people's stories is a double-edged sword, because I feel relief that someone else understands, but also feel bad that anyone (including me) goes through this stuff. I've been suffering from anxiety and depression since childhood, but it came onto me very hard at age 35. I am curious about the ages of the women here who have had this problem, because I think there is a link between being in your mid-to-late-30s and either an onset or an increase in depression/anxiety, etc. From what I'm reading on these boards, I think there's more to the female chemical system than doctors know.
I don't have children (I knew through my anxiety that I could not make a good mother, I was too terrified to bring a child into this world with all the things that could go wrong!), but my mom went through something very similar to what you describe when my siblings and I were little, and she got next to no sleep, took speed to stay awake to worry about us. Her mother was called a "worrier." I was always called "high strung." It's interesting to see the way anxiety manifests itself and how it has been so misunderstood. And people don't understand how awful you feel inside, not just mentally, but physically, too.
It's great to have the treatment, but I worry about not affording the medications in the future, since I know now what it feels like to not be anxious, and then to not have the meds and go through all that is hard. I hope that you are able to stay on the meds, I don't think we can say enough about quality of life here.
> All, I am going to jump in here (hopefully not offending anyone). I have had GAD for about eight years. It is terrifying. Nothing seems right, in my case, I was sure I was going to die at any moment and everything got so bad I was almost to the point where I couldn't leave the house, but was terrified of being left alone with my three young children. In retrospect, I look back over my life and realize I had a tendency towards it ever since I was a teenager (mine really kicked in at about 35). What made it acute was a combination of a really lousy, nonsupportive marriage, the stress of having three young kids at home with no car, no money and very little contact with the outside world and then, my youngest starting kindergarten. That is my biggest memory--waking up about 3 a.m. every morning and worrying about getting her to school, what dangers lurked in the world for ALL three of them, etc....I would lay in bed and imagine elaborate scenarios of my kids being kidnapped, tourtured, all the way through the funeral! It seems so ridiculous now, but it was so serious and painful at the time.
> The other side of the coin was that when I was left alone with them (ie on weekends) I was terrified I would become irrational and hurt them in some way (these were pre-Andrea Yates days). I would call their dad and beg him to come home...the situation was just getting unbearable.
> I didn't have insurance, didn't have a primary care-giver, didn't have a clue as to what was going on with me and my brain. I hauled out the yellow pages and started making phone calls to places that seemed like they might be able to give me mental health care. I ended up, at one point, at a clinic that mostly cared for people who lived on the streets and recovering drug addicts. I saw someone after waiting a couple of hours just for the priviliage of being accused of scamming him to try to get a script for xanax. I left that place in tears. To make a long story short, I ended up at a health-science center at one of our local medical schools where I was evaluated and recieved care from a second year resident psychiatrist. She tried me out with a few different meds and we finally settled on zoloft and klonopin. I also was in therapy with her for two years. The relief at finding someone who knew what it was and didn't think I was a freak and actually helped me, provided me with the meds I needed to feel better (what a relief!)saved my life, I think.
> I guess the moral of my story is, it CAN get better, there IS help out there for you and if the first or second thing doesn't work, they can keep trying and find something that will help.
>
> I am facing different issues now, which I will not go into at this time because I've already written a book.
> I have some questions about lexapro, which I've been switched to because my zoloft has stopped working very well, for me....I'll get on about that later...
>
poster:ayuda
thread:137024
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030119/msgs/137253.html