Posted by michael73 on February 3, 2003, at 20:24:13
In reply to Re: Brain Fog, posted by Dave1 on February 2, 2003, at 22:45:56
Hi Dave, The term "brain fog" is really loose. I seem to always be obsessing about something involving my mind. I'm a confused person. The "feeling in my head" is all but forgotten (I suspect it was my sinuses) and I've moved on to just as disturbing things. For a couple years I was stable - or maybe just coasting. I remember during that period being astonished that I ever thought I had brain damage, OCD, or depression. But considering that picking out eyeglasses or silverware is a major event for me because I can't make up my mind I probably wasn't as well as I thought. Then it suddenly all came back as strong as ever. A month ago I was to take a career type job and attend graduate school - now I seriously question my ability to perform any job and I'm scared. I suppose the stress and reality check triggered it. Luckily I still have my old highly irregular job that seems to be what I'm suited for. But I don't know how long it will last. When the depression hit me last month, like a Mack truck, the inside of my head felt like it was bleeding. I went into a total daze. I'll make it into the women's restroom yet. (I almost accidentally went into it during my first bad depression because I was so confused.) Picking east or west on a freeway at the last minute often confuses me. I get so slow. I was even able to enjoy it for a short while by wandering around the mall and going to a movie as if I was on something - but my body did not follow my mood - it was still sick. For me depression is whole body - head sensations and all.
I've diagnosed my self with all sorts of things. Was looking at a form of bipolar yesterday. I'm starting to seriously consider that a more or less pure obsessive form of OCD is my nemesis. I too am hoping to have an MRI. I have a need (probably obsessive)for that information. I too have perceptual issues especially derealization. It comes on strongest in the outdoors. I tend to forget about it when I am reading or into something and for periods of time all together. Today just trying to sort through some old clothes disturbed me because I can't let things go or make decisive decisions. As long as my bookeeping is in order I feel tentavely all right. But if something doesn't fit or confuses me I freak out. It's like a part of my brain simply doesn't work and I over heat other parts to compensate. I try to relive this agony by fully knowing what I'm going to do before I even start - very inefficient and unproductive. I avoid a lot of new things because of this. I just bought my first computer a month ago. New technology causes me distress. I guess I'm a perfectionist too though of course I have trouble thinking of myself that way since I might leave a mess just because I can't think up the perfect way to deal with it. I've had good results with Anafranil in the past but the side effects were bad. I think with a good OCD medication when I forget something it feels normal and it's not an issue for me. Ill as I am now, every time I forget something I think I'me losing my mind. I'm trying Luvox now and hope I can stick with it the 10 weeks that it might take to have and effect on OCD. Sleepiness is bothering me a lot and it will have to go away for me to continue indefinitly.
From what I've read the hippocampus part of the brain can become shrunk in people with depression and this can effect short term memory. I was obsessing about my short term memory recently and would like an MRI for what it could tell me. For what it's worth I frequently feel and believe I'm losing my mind. I am coming to terms with that, delusion or not, and am focusing on living my life around it rather than trying to force my life through it. Hope it helps if you can relate to some of these things. Good luck to you. Michael73
poster:michael73
thread:138557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030130/msgs/139203.html