Posted by JohnV on February 16, 2003, at 7:02:08
In reply to Psychotic errors can be reversed, posted by rayww on February 15, 2003, at 11:04:18
Ray that was great and brave of you, thank you. I have developed this real fear of the world and going outside, especially as a result of the more manic times in my cycling. They where indeed psychotic breaks but that isn't to say all mania is psychotic. I found it so important to tackle that fear of going outside into the world, because it is robbing me of my life and chances to enjoy it. I fear the arrogance that people feel towards someone like us in that they think they are mindfully superior. I have never liked competition, and have always felt most of it is dangerous because it divides people. Hence I don't like sports and even when trying to get a good job, we feel like somebody else is measuring our worthiness up.Maybe this all is my depression and anxiety speaking. I find it so hard to distinguish between the two as time goes on. I am about to go into an outpatient hospital program after 8 or so years of mostly Hell with my illness. A few doctors have stated I seem to sit somewhere between an aggitated depression and severe anxiety, and possibly bipolar 2 with very rapid cycling. I am sure many of us have felt this, and that is sometimes I feel like an alien, and just watch the world go on while I shrivel into my corner. But I know there are millions out there suffering the same fate, and that barely has sustained me, sometimes.
If this is a part of me, though, I certainly am not going to go apologizing to the world for it. I figure as long as I don't hurt anybody else, we have a right to what is a deep part of us. In fact I think it is a part of the human condition, and maybe all of the 'normals' are the odd-ones out who should be forced to be on medication and in therapy.
poster:JohnV
thread:200688
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030214/msgs/200859.html