Posted by Gracie2 on February 24, 2003, at 14:22:08
In reply to Re: Take psych meds from a pyschiatrist ONLY, posted by MaryZee on February 23, 2003, at 22:41:14
MaryZee-
I know exactly what you're going through because I went through it myself, only I was much worse!
I was hospitalized 3 times in 3 years - the first time, the police showed up at my door and escorted me to the hospital after I called 911 to ask for the number to a suicide hotline. Spent a couple of weeks in the psych ward and was started on psychiatric medication.Well, it didn't work. I was under a lot of stress-
working at a job that I hated and where everyone knew I had been hospitalized for mental problems, so I felt like a freak. Even worse, my marriage was going to hell. Worst of all, I was helping my cousins take care of my aunt, who was dying at home with colon cancer. I loved this aunt dearly, she had been more of a mother to me than my own mother, and watching her deteriorate was just torture. I would shut myself in her bathroom and cry into a washcloth so she couldn't hear me. Then I would manage to pull myself together enough to go back and take care of her. After dementia set in, she couldn't be left alone for any length of time.So I understand what you went through with your sister. I know it's terribly painful. I don't know why we're required to go through these events, what purpose there is to suffering, but we have to get through it the best we can.
For a long time I didn't handle it too well. After my aunt died, I cleaned up her bedroom, and I took home some valium and painkillers that were in her bathroom. I told myself that it would help me get through her funeral, and knock out some of my own pain for awhile. I was also taking pretty heavy doses of psychiatric medications, and eventually the inevitable happened. I collapsed at home with drug-induced seizures, woke up looking at a paramedic. Back to the hospital, where I stayed for a few days while they ran tests. Surprisingly, they just let me go home with a prescription for Dilantin to prevent seizures. That was it. I had scared myself pretty good, though, so I threw away all the drugs I was taking.I figured the drugs were my biggest problem, so I would be alright once I was drug-free.
As it turned out, the drugs were not my biggest problem, the drugging and the drinking were symptoms. Oh yeah, I was drinking too, forgot to mention that. My biggest problem was the brain disorder that was causing these symptoms, so even without drugs I continued to crack up. I couldn't sleep, the insomnia was unremitting. Without sleep, my mental condition steadily deteriorated.
I began having panic attacks, would cry uncontrollably, started to isolate myself from the world. I had to quit working because I couldn't function. I wouldn't answer the door or pick up the phone. I became psychotic, and would do bizarre and dangerous things. Finally, a year ago, I hit bottom. After staying up and drinking all night, I decided to kill myself. I had some Seroquel and some Xanax, and I took all those along with every other pill I could find in the house. Apparently I took over 50 pills.My husband found me in time and rushed me to the hospital. They pumped my stomach, and I woke up a couple of days later in ICU. I was bitterly disappointed to find myself still alive. Spent another week in the psychiatric ward, then home again.
The reason I'm telling you all this is to show you how far I've come since that dark and dreadful time, to let you know what the right medication can do for you. Once I was correctly diagnosed with manic depression, my bipolar symptoms slooooowly began to improve with Seroquel, an anti-psychotic. I began to sleep at night. My anxiety level went down and the panic attacks stopped. I was still somewhat depressed, but Paxil helped to clean that up. I no longer spend my days holed up in my bedroom, I'm back to doing stuff that I used to enjoy but had lost interest in - specifically, writing and painting. I no longer think about killing or hurting myself. Sometimes I even laugh.
Not that there's a lot to laugh about these days.
I'm facing an impending separation from my husband
of 20 years. Even though he can see that I'm improving, I guess that all the trauma and bullshit I put him through was just too much for him, and he's pretty much lost interest in me. I believe there's another woman, although he denies it. I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid.Anyway, I'm seeing a really good therapist, and she will help me get through this. I feel so good after I talk to her, she bolsters my self-confidence and gives me advice - and knowledge is power. That's why I so strongly recommend a therapist, because a psychiatrist will not do this for you. A psychiatrist is pretty much concerned with monitering the effects of the medication that he prescribes for you, he doesn't really want to hear about your husband or your kids or your cat. A therapist does.
Okay, back to you! I'm happy to hear that you've scheduled an appointment with your internist. A lot of your symptoms could be either physical or mental in origin, so you have to rule out the physical stuff first. For instance, starting in my 30s, I began to have constant headaches. At first I thought that it must just be stress, that they were tension headaches. Finally, the headaches got so bad, I was afraid that I had a brain tumor or something. I finally went to the doctor, and the first thing he discovered was that I had high blood pressure. Of course, this is still a serious condition, but it's better than a brain tumor if you ask me. After my blood pressure was stabalized with medication, the headaches went away.
After you get a complete physical, then you need to find a good psychiatrist. It would be best if you could find one that accepts your medical insurance plan. You can pay for it yourself but it's expensive, around $50 to $80 for a 15-minute visit. So find the book from your insurance company that lists the medical providers in your city who will accept that insurance.
Ask your internist if he can recommend a good psychiatrist. If not, and if you don't know anyone else who's seeing a psychiatrist that they would heartily recommend (I bet it's more common than we think), you might have to just start with any psychiatrist who accepts your insurance plan, who is fairly close to where you live, and who can get you in for an appointment fairly soon. I had to do this myself recently after my old psychiatrist bugged out on me, and it did take some calling around before I found a doctor who was accepting new patients right away. So don't get discouraged, just keep going down the list in your insurance provider manual until you find somebody.
After that, you just have to visit him (substitute "her" if appropriate) for awhile to see what you think of him, there's no other way. If he seems competent and compassionate, I would stick with him. If he doesn't, move on to the next doctor. Going through this process is a pain, but once you find the right doctor for you,
it's all worth it.My God, I'm writing a book here. About the valium-
I believe all benzodiazepenes are considered psychiatric medications, but valium is only a "quick-fix" that can be dangerous for long-term use because of its addictive qualities. In the hands of a person like myself who has difficulty with moderation control, it's probably not a good idea at all. But if you can use it responsibly yourself - taking only what you need, only when you really need it - then you might want to keep an emergency supply until you start feeling better.Have courage!
-Gracie
poster:Gracie2
thread:201988
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030224/msgs/203389.html