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Some insights for a special person - Kristen. » KrissyP

Posted by ace on March 6, 2003, at 19:05:56

In reply to I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT, posted by KrissyP on March 5, 2003, at 20:25:12

> You know-this may sound trivial for some, but I am experiencing and have been for some time-depression due to ALWAYS COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHERS-what I have done with my life to everybody I know's life. I am really sick of this. THIS is what brings on 99.9%of my depression, and of course fear of suceeding. I think there are some more deeper issues here, because the meds are not going to take away this feeling-I have to do something. BUT, I can't stand this anymore guys. I am a good person with a good heart, and I try to do the best I can. I just feel that when it comes to this loneliness, fear, and worry about my future, it overtakes me to a point I can't explain. All I can do is sit and ride it out. This is a long history, and I feel, some deep stuff. I posted about the fact that I was not seeing a therapist at the moment because I thought I was doing well. And despite what I describe here-I really am-NOT. BUT, this is a problem for me and really hurts deep when I feel it. I have friends, I'm in school, almost done with my BA, I have 2 arms, 2 legs, I can see, hear, smell, but that's not the point here, in a way. I just don't now how to fight off these feelings when they come. I think "God, I haven't really done much with my life: never married, no kids, not working in a "career", etc. Oh yeah, I have all my goals and dreams in place but I am clueless on how and what is just going to happen to me.
> Man, these feelings are not fun. Any support, experience, advice woud help and thanks in Advance.I just can't feel this way anymore and I don't know if it IS something deeper, like OCD or good old damn depression.
> I am a little over week on restarting the Effexor-XR 75mg, AND 25mg Lamictal, along with already taking 100mg Seroquel and 2mg Klonopin-ALL at night.
> WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
> Thanks Kristen

Dearest Kristen,

I feel for you. Even though CBT dose NOT work for me - different d/o's I have, I think it might help. From your posts to me all I can say is that are a very beautifal human being. I really think some INTENSIVE work on your s/esteem would help...and a script of Nardil (NOT just because I love it..but it makes you very confident in yourself)

I have some qstns...
!. Do you date much?
2. Have you suffered rejection from a male?
3. How do your parents feel about you
4. I assume you get the feeling a lot of others are better than you?
5. Have you read s/esteem books (not Tacky ones, but ones written by PHD's)
6. When you say you are lonely, would a steady partner make you feel better?
7. What do you study?

Krissy - I did 2/3 years of intensive psychotherapy and reading. it is NOT the answer for me, BUT i have gleaned a tremendous amount of knowledge on the subject, and If you tell me more I can reccomend some texts.

Once again, i feels so bad for your pain...you sound so sweet and caring.

BTW, one book which I would reccomend (not really) psychotherapy is "Love is letting go of fear" by Gerald J. Jampolsky. This had a significant impact on me. It is more spiritual, and I think maybe you might need to cultivate a special personalized spiritual relationship.

LOVE & BEST WISHES,
ACE (ANDREW)


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