Posted by CherC68 on June 11, 2003, at 19:29:08
In reply to Re: Off Effexor - Day 2 and carpal tunnel » CherC68, posted by zinya on June 10, 2003, at 18:48:12
Dear Zinya,
I worked today so I am very behind on reading all of these posts.I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.
I do have some experience with Alzheimers. My grandmother had Alzheimers and my mom get's tested for it, because she has a short-term memory problem.
My grandmother moved in with my parents for nine years(who live a few blocks away) and was bedridden for seven years. Seven years my mother, myself, even my father changed diapers, and took care of my grandmother until she had another stroke and was hospitalized and while hospitalized she ended up with a huge bedsore that was as big as a basketball. Even though for seven years she was bedridden, she never got bedsores. This was very hard on my mother. I was very close with my grandmother and she was such a strong women until the Alheimer's took over.
The one thing I do know though, is that it was harder on my mom, I believe, than it was on my grandmother. My mother's memory problem seemed to worsen as my grandmother got sicker, but....she took such great care of my grandmother and never forgot anything when it came to her. When my grandmother passed it did take a piece of my mother away. She was extremely depressed, which didn't help my depression, because its hard to help someone that is depressed.
Zinya, I know you did everything you could for your mother and your mother loved you so very deeply. You did everything you could. Please remember that. It's hard for someone else to tell you, well, be strong for your mother's memory, but, trying to be positive now, and trying to pull yourself out of the depression with medicine or counseling or whatever is something that your mother surely would have wanted for you.
You are, to me, one of the most sympathetic, compassionate, intelligent women I have ever encountered (besides my mother) and for some odd reason I see a lot of my mother in you.
My mom is a caregiver and I think you probably are too. Your need to care for your mother, who you loved, and even me - who you don't even know - makes you such a special person. Please do not lose sight of what a wonderful person you are. I'm sure you have read up on Alzheimer's and know that most caretakers of loved ones with Alzheimer's suffer deeply because of the helplessness of the disease, the guilt of not being able to do enough, and the guilt of the pressures of taking care of someone and the shear fact that the love you had for your mother, as did my mother for grams.
There were times my mother cried hysterically while my grandmother was alive when she first was diagnosed with Alheimers because she was tired of trying to get my grandmother to walk, or getting her to the bathroom and her not going potty and getting her back to bed and one minute later, my grandmother would poop all over. She sometimes was so upset with my grandmother and the guilt she felt when my grandmother was dying was so extreme. She wanted to do anything to keep her alive, even not going with the Living Will for Life Support and ordering it. (I had to go in front of the Hospital Board to rescind, which basically, I pretty much let my grandmother die - they took her off life support).
My mother suffered because of that too and she wasn't happy that I did this, but...my grams was suffering too much.
I really do feel for what you are going through. Most of my depression has always been because of losing someone (2 best friends 5 and 7 died in a fire (right next door to my house when I was 7). My cousin Dale, who was the same age, and my best friend, who was the light of my world growing up died at the age of 14 in a car accident, my dog, my grandfathers, my grandmother passed one year ago in January, that and other traumatic things (rape, tumors, miscarriages) - really can pull you down.
I hope you know that I am praying for you and know you will make it through this hell.
Take Care and big hugs, Cher
poster:CherC68
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030609/msgs/233283.html