Posted by zarathustra on September 20, 2003, at 21:16:19
Well, I just posted about two hours ago and I was feeling good. Since then, I went for a long walk through the old industrial part of Brampton to get a coffee.
FYI I started dexedrine a week ago (5mg bid) after a psych ward stay and a bit of a breakdown due to gambling and other shit in my life. Doc said I have ADD, G.P has ALWAYS said I have depression.
Anyways, I have to write again. I am so excited, so optimistic; this is fabulous. This is wonderfull. Words cant explain it. An inner calm and peace has come over me. Brampton is very familiar to me however, on my walk it was as though I had never been here before. I could 'feel' the 'aura' of the old factorys along the railroad, combined with the smell of the tar from the ties and abundant sweetgrass it really took me back. Kids playing before bed on the porch, families arguing, families getting along, cats in the street. Please dont think I am euphoric or anything, I am not. I have always been sensitive to things like that but now it is heightened. Also the smells in the air are triggering some type of emotional response; It is very very difficult to explain. I am also craving to be sociable. I dont have many friends so thats not possible tonight however I feel like I could talk for days on end and not be as self-centered as usual. I just want to share this feeling. Perhaps I am feeling what 'normal people' feel and I lived without this for so long that this is a real kick in the ass. I dont know. I dont know.
Regardless of all of this, the dexedrine is working. I think my focus is better and that I just cant see it yet, there are little indicators though like the fact that I am able to sit and type so long without being distracted. There is hope for me yet!WOW!
poster:zarathustra
thread:262057
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030917/msgs/262057.html