Posted by Zarah78 on October 13, 2003, at 18:30:31
In reply to Re: Medication Suggestions Anyone? « DharmaMama, posted by Dr. Bob on October 13, 2003, at 17:28:41
Yeah, the whole miscarriage situation was just bad from every angle and I was only just under 6 weeks when it happened. Not that it was unexpected. Illness concurrent with medications throughout the short pregnancy, combined with blood sugar issues ... Definitely tells me I have to be prepared physically for this if I try again.
I went on birth control pills, 2 different kinds, after my HCG came back under a "2" which took 3 more months after. I had been on a 3rd kind of BC before the pregnancy, all of these I've had varying and increasing difficulty with until I've now come to the conclusion that I am just better off without them. The depression was worse and more unpredicatble on the last batch -- something new called Alesse -- but its now been 2 months off of these and I'm still dealing with some kind of inbalance. I'm not sure if this is solely hormonal or mental, or some kind of warped combination of the two.
All I really know is that I've had increasing trouble controling the morbid thoughts I get with the depression, increased occurrence of insomnia (usually brought on by multiple vivid nightmares resulting in a fear of sleep, or just this weird desire to start cleaning everything at 11pm or finally get to replying to all those emails) and general lack of motivation to leave my home -- even if I'm out of food.
I'm hesitant to go back on any kind of anti-depressant or psych-drug because the last time, when I spoke to a doc about it and received Prozac, I caught a lot of ridicule from my mother. How _she_ gets depressed too, but you dont see her going to a doc to get drugged up (altho, secretly, I think she needs it) and so on. She didnt try suicide 2x when she was a teen (once I dont think was even conciously intentional -- dont take max doses of varying antihistamines at once) and... well.. anyway, she makes it hard for me and seems to not believe me when I've told her certain things in the past that have had a major impact on my life.
As far as why I'm initally depressive, that would probably take months for a psych-pro to sort out and most likely come down to several different sources. But, after being told I'd probably lose my tiny little baby, I started talking to him, telling him how sorry I was... I think it was a boy... I think that only made things worse... My boyfriend just doesn't understand... I'm not sure if he just can't, or just doesn't want to. Doesn't matter, result is the same. Just one more person I can't really talk to about it.
I'm not really sure what to do or if drugs would even help at this point. The more I write about this, the heavier I feel -- its like having lead in my chest.
-Z
Sometimes I see him running down a beach, brown hair fluttering in the breeze, small hands waving. And he's laughing to me as he plays in the surf... and then the whole scene turns to red... and I wake up alone again.
> [Posted by DharmaMama on October 13, 2003, at 15:31:49]
>
> > Hello there and welcome. My name is Laura. I am pretty new to the boards myself. I am sorry to hear about the miscarriage. On top of the depression, a pregnancy can throw your hormones into overdrive. Then for your body to miscarry, it throws everything into a loop. It is like everything short circuits. Your body does this for a good cause. However, we are not emotionally ready for it. It is hard to explain, hard to explain it to ourselves, and hard to explain it to our partners/friends/family and for them to understand. I have been through this before and it was all on top of depression.
> >
> > I am really not sure what your depression stems from. I have been depressed since I can remember and I have anxiety, social, temper problem. I also have terrible PMS and a feeling of numbness at times. Have not been diagnosed from a doc yet. Just placed on scripts. I am currently on Topamax. There are some threads on Dr. Bob in regards to it. I have been on it since Thursday so I do not feel right to give results. However, I have not felt this great in months. I am worried about the motorskills , memory, blurred vision, since I work full time. I refuse to take SSRI's because of the weight gain issue. You can read some threads in regards to that on Dr. Bob as well. There are some websites as well focusing on that.
> >
> > As far as the decrease in libido. I know most scripts state that that is a side effect. I have had a decrease due to the depression. Since being on Topamax there was a slight increase, not much. That can also be a result from the miscarriage. I was on birth control (ortho-novum) and that decreased my libido. I got off of it and my libido shot up. Some birth control (orals) decreases libido.
> >
> > Depending on how far along you were, your body can still be recovering hormonally from the pregnancy. You can talk to your midwife or ob/gyn about the libido factor. If I can not find a pdoc soon, I am going to turn to my midwife for some alternatives or spiritual help.
poster:Zarah78
thread:268828
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031010/msgs/269091.html