Posted by Burnout on October 22, 2003, at 23:15:08
In reply to Re: CRAIG and everyone please read, posted by Cass on July 3, 1999, at 17:42:09
All my life it seems I have had a terrible time with what I call 'Anxiety'. As a young teenager my nickname was 'burnout'. Everybody in school called me this. I guess because it was like I 'wasn't there' and even as an adult, a few times friends have commented that sometimes it's like I'm 'not there'. My head is always full of thoughts, silly little things that change all the time but the thinking goes on and on. Often when I go out somewhere, well, earlier I went to the supermarket. As I was walking, all the time I felt like a robot, extremely self-conscious and awkward, and fearful. Constantly thinking about how uptight and uncomfortable I feel but also knowing that its my thinking that is causing this but I can't stop it. I am this way often, always ill at ease and uncomfortable and afraid, of nothing! Often lights seem like they are too bright. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. I have done a terrible job I think, of describing this and like someone else wrote 'looking for something that fit my symptoms'. The closest thing I have found is maybe derealization/depersonalization - I often feel like a robot. Although I am of above average intelligence and a creative, (though very abstract) thinker, I have always had the biggest blind spot for the obvious. I'm not sure I really know what DR/DP is and the other thing that comes to mind is "obsessive thinking". I didn't think that sounded like me but then in some recent looking around the net I have learned that the term "obsessive thinking" really means 'thinking too much'. I thought it meant thinking about the same thing over and over. Valium seems to be the only thing that helps - it relieves anxiety, at least most of it, for awhile. I have tried xanax - slow acting and just makes me tired without anxiety relief, - ativan - doesn't seem to do anything, - klonopin - helps only a little takes a long time to work at all, and really isn't much help. Over the years I have tried many antidepressants with no help. And I don't think I'm depressed. But I've tried, over the many years, tofranil, anafranil (i haven't seen a psychiatrist in a long time but anafranil seemed to help a little), luvox, wellbutrin, paxil, zoloft, several other SSRI's. I don't know what my problem is and I think my inability to accurately paint a picture of my 'symptoms' prevented an accurate diagnosis. I am also a recovering alcoholic (just over 2 years - truly a miracle) I drank for more that 20 years. ButI was self medicating. Alcohol helped me cope better thank any pill but I just can't drink. I don't know what to do. Any thoughts, links/resources, suggestions or if what I've said rings a few bells I would appreciate your thoughts.
Thanks & peace
poster:Burnout
thread:8172
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031021/msgs/272130.html