Posted by Stavros on November 11, 2003, at 19:18:10
Hello all and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my babble. I feel like I am an anomaly. I have taken almost every medicine mentioned on here and many, many combinations but still cannot let this thing, or my mind will not let this thing go from my consciousness?
It's feels like the pain when you first get your heart broken. You wake up with that pain you take it to work; everywhere you go it's there with you. Eventually it reduces its strength and you wake up one morning and think 'wow I didn't even think of that' ? Now that sort of pain has a name to it, a broken heart or dream etc. My pain feels the same but I have no heartbreak? Although I have had great difficulty in relationships. This 'X' thing that my mind seems to grab on to or needs to, consumes my consciousness and the best I can do is distract myself from myself. As soon as there is no greater thing to displace this ‘X thing’ I am back to the "X prison". Like a dog chained to a tree, I cannot get away?
If consciousness is like a PC desktop then my consciousness is covered with icons that are meaningless, take up space and make me anxious? I need to reboot my brain but every morning X is there again? As a result of not being able to get away from this I get more anxious/depressed etc. Currently I am trying Wellbutrin XL 150 and Klonopin as needed.
I know this is an anxiety related issue as it initially occurred after over-thinking going forward with a relationship (almost 20 yrs ago) Initially I was so relieved when a pdoc told me there was a medicine for this mild anxiety/depression (possible ADHD)problem. He Rxed Wellbutrin IM and 12 years ago when it came out Wellbutrin seemed to work great. I was almost immediately relieved and soon after the X thing in my head just wasn't something my mind wanted to go to? I only took Wellbutrin for 4 months and I was pretty much fine for 3-4 years.
After college and working a few years I started to feel like life was passing me by and began to get anxious which led my mind to becoming consumed again. Terrified of this I went back on Wellbutrin but did not get the same relief.
I quit work because I wanted to try and get to the bottom of this instead of having to rise to the occasion every morning which is what I have had to do over the past 9 years. I am exhausted and now isolating myself? Does this resonate with anyone else?
poster:Stavros
thread:278750
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031111/msgs/278750.html