Posted by KimberlyDi on December 2, 2003, at 16:42:16
In reply to Wounded by family...is it hopeless?, posted by Shannon00 on November 25, 2003, at 21:55:11
You can love your family, and not have your life wrapped around them. Start a new path in life, and form your own judgements. If you don't like your mom's opinions, don't ask for them. If someone continuously disappoints you, stop repeating the same hopeless cycle. Stand alone and independent. You can become whatever you want.
It's hard to give up the traditional beliefs of what a mother should be and act like. I had to give up mine. My mother is not nuturing. She had an awful childhood, abused and living in poverty, dependent upon charity. And I'm sorry that she went through that. But she made my childhood, my whole life, Hell also. I keep my distance now, and live my life free of the fear of "What will mother think?".
What helped me was attending some co-dependency groups (CODA). A big part of CODA is learning to set boundaries in your life. To stop letting people walk all over me. I live my life by going through the ritual of asking myself "How would I feel if someone did that to me." The empathy thing. Putting myself in their shoes before taking action. Now I also ask myself "How do I feel after he/she treats me that way?" If I feel put down, hurt, or disappointed, especially if repeatedly, I make myself question why I have that person in my life. I deserve good, honest, and nice people in my life. You have to find and cultivate those types of friendships and/or relationships.
Sorry for rambling. I feel your pain.
Good luck
KDi in TX
poster:KimberlyDi
thread:283838
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031202/msgs/286002.html