Posted by maryhelen on December 11, 2003, at 10:21:30
In reply to Re: Ace, please help .... » maryhelen, posted by ace on December 7, 2003, at 22:23:52
Ace:
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I have not been able to be at my computer since my original post as my depression is so bad that I have not been able to function and can hardly get out of bed.
Last night was the first time that I was able to drag myself to my computer, read your response, and tried to figure out if I was taking the old or new version of Nardil. I live in Canada. I went back and read through previous postings about the concerns with the difference between the new and old. In one of the posts when I read that the new version had PD 270 on the pill, my heart nearly stopped, I felt sick to my stomach, had a slow, sinking feeling. Sure enough this is the pill I have been taking since November 3rd. I am not overdramatizing. I have been in a suicidal depression. At 51 years old and given everything I have been through to try to beat this demon, 5 psychiatric hospitalizations, 2 separate rounds of ECT, more drugs and combos that I would never remember them all even if I tried, psychological testing, counselling, support groups, so much talk therapy that I am sick of my own story, numerous pdocs, therapists, nutritionists, ............ after all this I feel that I am at 'square one' again and wonder if I have it in me to fight yet again, too tired, too sick, so discouraged, devastated by circumstances in my personal life. Between my pcods recommendation and the info and good responses heard by so many here at Dr. Bob's taking Nardil, I decided to try yet again and hung on to the slimmest of hope that Nardil would be the answer for me.
So I do not understate how devasting it is to know that I am taking a sub standard formulation of Nardil. Through the fog of depression, I am trying to understand how it is possible for a drug company to make a change to a medication, yet only in certain countries. If they felt all a sudden that to change Nardil to be 'gluten free' (as I understand it) would be in the best interest of the consumer, why is it the some countries have the New Nardil and others, like yours Ace, Australia, have the Old Nardil available. I know that it is harder to understand things when in this state of depression, but I don't get it.
Ace, I will go up to 90 mg. but now wonder what the point is of continuing taking Nardil at all. Yet, I am truly at the end of my rope, and do not know what else do to.
I spoke with my pharmacist about this, and he said there is no way that a change would be made to Nardil which would alter an active ingredient. He told me there is no way that this would happen and if they had made a change such as to make it 'gluten free', it could not possibly change the way that Nardil would work for depression. I tried to explain to him about the information I received from this website, which he already knows I belong to, but he would not listen to me and was not willing to look into it. I thought that a pharmacist would have better access to information than we, the consumer would. I got so frustrated with him and felt like I may as well be speaking with my 2 year old granddaughter. It is just so frustrating not to be heard or to have my concerns validated and that my (our) opinion would not be respected enough to be justified when there is the possibility that we, the very ones needing the drugs to save our lives, could possibly right and that the almighty drug company could have made a mistake.
I will do everything that I can today, although I do find it difficult when being at this level of depression to stay focussed and remain on task. I remember seeing in one of the posts a very detailed list of different ways to make contact with Pfizer. I will do my part to voice my concerns for myself and others.
Ace, I find it very touching that, although you are receiving the old Nardil and having the success that you are, that you show such care and concern and are always so willing to help others. I personally would like to thank you and do hope things are going well for you.
I hate to think how many people who are not fortunate enough to have found a forum, such as Dr. Bob's, whose lives have been unwittingly and adversely affected, or lost, by this change in Nardil. I know for myself, that I do not know how much more I can take of this depression. I know that I am suicidal. I am sick and so very tired of fighting this battle. Depression has robbed me of life. I have such wonderful people in my life, a large loving family, a beautiful, supportive daughter and four grandchildren, good friends. Until recent circumstances, a good job and the ability to live on my own in an apartment I love, although I may lose it due to the income change. Yet, with this constant battle with depression and the inability to self love or feel love, I have never really enjoyed any part of my life. I remain, for the most part isolated, it is easier, and find that it takes so much energy to put on the 'act' that I am okay when I do have to socialize. I really was left with one more glimmer of hope that taking Nardil would finally give me some relief from this depression and then I could feel some enjoyment in life. After reading about so many, (I can remember reading here 95%) are helped by Nardil, including yourself, Ace, I held on to some hope. Now I do not know what to think or do. I had mentioned that I take pain pills for arthritis as well as other conditions, and these are what are getting me through right now. I know opiates help a lot of people with depression, but for myself I am dependent on these pills and take too many. Also, they only last until the next prescription, and then I am left with deallng with this severe depression and I know that this is not the answer, by a long shot. I was hoping Nardil would have kicked in by now.
Ace, I am sorry for going on for so long. I haven't been able to be on the computer much and again was devastated last night. One thing that I was going to mention to you, before I knew I was taking the new Nardil, is that, when you said to hang in with the side effects, they will go away, I have not noticed any side effects. It doesn't even feel like I am taking a new med. I can remember when I took Parnate I did have side effects and can remember thems today even though it was over 2 years ago. The only thing that has happened is that I have gained 15 pounds and am having such a hard time controlling my eating. I just want to keep shoving the food in.
I am sorry for rambling on. I just don't know what to do. I will begin by making phone calls, e-mails, whatever it takes. I see that others are also doing this, but we don't know what each individual experience is, how effective it is, or what the heck we are going to do. I feel very desperate. I will go back and read all the posts dealing with Nardil as I have been away for a while.
Thanks for listening Ace and for being there for all of us.
maryhelen
poster:maryhelen
thread:286675
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031208/msgs/288739.html