Posted by headachequeen on December 17, 2003, at 14:16:33
In reply to Re: Lamictal and dizziness?, posted by boonie on December 16, 2003, at 6:57:23
> Kat, I'm just wondering, cuz I think I might remember this, and I will look for my stuff. Is hypomanic, bi-polar II, the same as cyclothymic? Perhaps? Cyclothymic is where you're not as manic and not as depressed as full bi-polar. You don't swing out of control when manic (still functioning) and you don't get so depressed you can't get out of bed (still functioning, just don't really feel like it). There's also a link for cyclothymic - ARGH!!!! I recently moved, cleared my hard drive in the process (by mistake), but I will see if I can find it and I will get back to you. It's just tickling my brain and I remember seeing bi-polar II and cyclothymic mentioned in the same write up.
>I haven't an earthly... all I know is that none of these people seem to want to explain anything...
I am supposedly an extremely intelligent individual, highly creative and all that stuff... but nothing they say tells me anything.
This psychotherapist has been so helpful over the past year and a bit ... then on Monday he seemed to join the parade...
as I told him that I have no wish to get out of bed, all I seem to want to do is cry and for no reason, he is telling me that I don't seem to him to be depressed because a person who is depressed could not describe her situation so clearly....
for heaven sake! I am a writer... a photographer... a journalist... I see things and investigate things and either write about them to make them clear enough for other people to see what I write or capture things on film... and when I lose that then I have nothing else left...
I am a singer, trained for years and when I hit rock bottom with this thing whatever it is and apparently 'it' is not depression, then I cannot sing... and that makes the depression that isn't worse...
I cry because it is Tuesday... I cry because someone walks past me on the street... or because someone speaks to me on the street... or because the peanut butter is the wrong brand or because my hair won't behave itself or for a million reasons that make no sense...
maybe I am not depressed... maybe I am simply having the world's worst temper tantrum...I can relate so totally to something Katia said,
'I feel like a wild animal has gotten loose and is banging up against the insides of my mind - I feel out of control with emotion and I'm scared.'
It is as if she were wandering around in my mind and was able to put my feelings into words... and I can empathise all too well with the feelings and fears with which she lives ...
I want to have control of my life... of me...
and I don't know where to go to find that control.for so long I thought I was in control again and it felt so good. I was in control of the epilepsy thanks to the Tegretol which I hate and fear but respect and the Topomax which I respect and fear a little and finally seemed to be in control of my mental state whatever it was... the depression I did not have according to the psychiatrist who said I was hypomanic depressive... he needs to label everyone to keep his ego growing I guess but has no time to explain anything...
and that is one of the major things about this board, the help and support that exists here...
never thought I would be here screaming and begging for this help, but have found so much help in learning to live with Topomax that I figure the next step is finding out how to live with the rest of it...
So many of you seem to be using Topomax to find a balance for other issues, including emotional ones...
I am in total fear of a return to the hospital and even a few days is too long... no, it is not the stigma, real or imagined that I fear, it is the need. I want to be in control of my own life, my own destiny as the poet says...
Does Topomax actually help for emotional and mental ups and downs? come to think of it, if it is supposed to, then why is it not doing so would be a good question...I do not want to go back onto effexor and zyprexa and or any of the others... zombieland has no appeal for me... and basically that is where they left me ...
and I really do not want to go back... either to the emotional state or to the meds or to the hospital... it was a wonderful time out, a time of tranquility and a place where no one had any expectations, no judgement, and so on but aside from that, a place I would rather not be...
Does this stuff really help???kat
poster:headachequeen
thread:5053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031213/msgs/290991.html