Posted by Angielala on January 15, 2004, at 12:13:24
In reply to Re: Stuck in Bipolar Hell, posted by Dalilah on January 15, 2004, at 11:28:45
Dalilah,
I am in the same boat as you as far as you swings go. I just got off Depakote for all the reasons that you mentioned. My doc and I have in place, a plan to see if Wellbutrin will help the swings that we have, without pushing me into a hypo or aggitated state. There has been a lot of good feedback on BP people who have tried it. There are less side effects, no weight crap, no lifeless feeling- this is what people are telling me. Since your current cocktail seems to have a good hold on most of it and takes the edge off most of the time, perhaps another take of AD will help. Seeing that Wellbutrin affect dopemine more than seratonin, my doc is thinking that my swings are caused by a dopemine imbalance. So I am going to stay on my Paxil, add in Wellbutrin and perhaps see if I still need a MS- and is I do, I am going to choose Lithium... depakote was the devil for me too.
I'm not saying to go for Wellbutrin- I'm saying that you are totally right. This is all a chemical thing, a balance that we have to figure out ('cause I think we here all do more research on drugs, half lives, side effects and real life experiences than our Therapists might have time for) ourselves sometimes. This sounds easier than it is to do, but if you can, try this. Have a journal. Write your sleep times in there, the food you ate and at what time, and the mood you are in (maybe even a poem or silly cartoon to show how you are feeling) Mention the weather, and top headlines from that day- even if they really dont' seem so important to you- if you watched the news and something grand or bad happened, write it down. This could help with trying to figure out patterns on your own. You might notice that the lows come at a certain time of month (perhaps during Aunt Flo's visit) or maybe it's the news, or diet. Maybe a hypo came on after you had to work an all nighter. Maybe you feel great after you have been eating well for a few weeks straight. Patterns came be really helpful, and since you are helping yourself in this way, you end up feeling better abut yourself in general. While journaling everythign could be viewed as neurotic for some, for BP people, it's like being able to see hindsight and use it to help in the future. Journaling also helps you deal with things- you are sharing your thoughts and actions of the day in a safe place, with no one to judge. You can be completely honest and not worry about it. And I personally find that when I read journals I kept from a few years ago- I can actually see my progress- which gives you this wonderful feeling.
Hang in there... know that you have lots of people doing through these same swings- me for example- it sounds like you and I have the same swings... we should talk some more about our swings together. I am in the same hell, but we can get through it. Our bodies are just having a field day- it's their vacation, and we have to go through these little swings for that.
Also- one thing you have to make sure of is to concentrate on you- your health- your plan to beat it all. Having a sister go through what she's going through hits so close to home for me, except it's my Godmother, cousin and my late Grandmother. I know how much you yearn to help her, but make sure you don't get caught up in it all... we have bigger hearts than the normally balanced, which is a blessed curse (haha). Don't let your loving and caring be spread thin- don't try to take on their burdens too much. Be supportive, but when you feel that hypo coming on, literally stop yourself from writing an email inviting everyone and their mother to dinner, stop yourself from volunteering for everythign that comes along- these are all things I understand that you and I and so many others will do when we are feeling good- or actually in a hypo or full mania. Pace yourself and take more time for you than others. I know it sounds selfish, but don't feel selfish. Think of it this way- whether we know it or want to admit it, we know ourselves better than anyone else. We you are feeling low- reward yourself. Having a rotten day- do something special for yourself, even if it's small. Beware the shopping urge, though... haha, I'm sure you've had a mania-induced shopping spree (Man if I could even begin to tell yuo about my bills... ugh)
Despite how you are feeling at the moment, please know that deep down, you are going to be fine. Everything will fall into place- even if you can't see it. You have a LOT of BP supporters here that have gone through these feelings and med changes. Hell is only a passing thing. I am still trying to get the boy (I call my fiance "the boy"- no idea, just my Boston slang I guess...) to get me a punching bag for the hell part. ;)
I hope I didn't rant too long. I just really understand where you are right now and really want to help. I want you to know that there is hope to getting out of those crazy circles we are blessed with.
Let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do for you.
<3 Lala
> Hi Amy and Scott,
> Thanks for the response. It feels good to be heard by someone who understands. As far as depakote goes, been there done that. Honestly it doesn't help me at all, but makes me hungry all the time, gain weight, and completely lifeless/drugged out. It makes me want to kill myself. Lithium is definately the one for me. Believe me, I've tried a lot.
>
> I am really happy with my current cocktail and I've been great for over 6 months. I love the Lamictal (300 mg) for taking away most of my depression. So I was very surprised to find myself in this mixed state after such a long? symptom free time. But it's so much less than it was before this combo. And I think the mixed episode is starting to go away (fingers crossed.)
>
> Possibly this whole bad thing was triggered by stress (my sister lost in a schizophrenic fog for the last 2 months.) Who will ever know why these things happen. Generally I think there is no reason except the chemicals doing there thing.
>
> Dalilah
>
>
> > Hi Dalilah,
> >
> > Your message struck a chord with me cause I'm on a similar medication regime to you, that is lamictal, seroquel and depakote. and I suffer from mixed states (lthough mines more agitation than hypomanic). this cocktail works really well for me and i've been symptom free for a few months now.
> >
> > the one difference is obviously the depokote which SLS recommended. its really good for mixed states and it might a be a good idea for you to swap the lithium for it. The one thing to be careful about though is that you need to halve the dose of lamictal when you take depakote because depakote influences the half life of the lamictal.
> >
> >
> > good luck,
> > Amy
>
>
poster:Angielala
thread:300684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040114/msgs/301187.html