Posted by MARKED on January 17, 2004, at 11:13:04
In reply to Re: sexual compulsives, posted by ian24 on January 12, 2004, at 23:16:07
> I'm going back to my AA meetings soon and attens S meetings but dont know whether SRA (total Abstinence ) or slaa ( which isn't totally cold turkey.) My question is How do I recover besides simply not acting out???
I can totally relate to your previous posts, so much so that you begin to find that ultimate HIGH of sexual satisfaction, and try to have it last as long as possible. (Usually lack of sleep, lack of proper eating/fitness/social interraction, not content with just anyone for sex and basically having your feelings reach the sky...........then crash really hard), and that's probably the good things.
Ok, what I suggest is a routine. Yes everyone says that.....but have you considered a Cognitive Behavioval Therapy class (they are really helpful and a way to help create a routine/build confidence). Also on a bio/chemical point of view (as we all like to think it's not me, it's my mind) I think perhaps you are showing bi-polar symptoms, or the effects of being so high then crashing is equally the same thing. (mood stabilisers are helpful).
Budget for things that you spend on.....don't feel guilty about what you do (as it makes it worse believe me). Accepting your feelings is a good way to divert them. If you have to indulge in satisfying your desires, consider what you will do next. This helps to stop the "Ahhhhh, I feel (insert your own expletive word), and I have to stop this" mentality.
Don't think I HAVE TO........tomorrow never comes. Think ok, i'm doing this, and then i'm going to do this (whatever you decide to do) after that and be happy. You'll be amazed how you start thinking positive and divert your actions to some other ventures you'd rather persue.
How do you feel happy?
Well I know your body gets that craving for something (alcohol, sex, etc) but the only way to stop it is by suppressing, stabilising it (with medications...see posts of mood stabilisers) or replacing it with another MORE statisfying longer lasting desire (eg- achieving and marking off on a list what you did for the day).Vocalising what you want to do will also help you achieve different things (eg-I am feeling good today and I am happy). Physically saying out loud what you want to think will make it happen more, rather than pondering on all the negatives of "I feel like this". If you don't want the sexual thoughts, say it out loud. If you do, be decisive and accept it. Acceptance brings about change. Forcing yourself to change will just bring about negative thoughts that take away that natural feeling of confidence, and you'll give in because there is nothing else distracting you.
So how do you feel happy about the mundane things in life? Well this is what we all are after, but as a guide divide your time with rewarding yourself. (again the routine thing). By now you must realise when you have certain desires, so obiously those are the worst times. Try to create your lifestyle around the times that work, and don't work for you. If you compeled to drink or expressive your sexual desires at night or after work (for example), make that time routinely a ritual to go to the gym, go for a walk outside, go see friends, ring someone you know. Try to fill that time with some other distraction (people are a good distraction, talking is too, excercise or something mentally challenging). But make sure your in a comfortable environment or else it will just make you think "I want to get out of here".
Obviously these examples are very basic, and you already know this i'm sure......but, by following certain guidelines with what i've said and WORKING out what things make you happy, (truely happy) then you can limit and CONTROL your excessive thoughts and subsequent behaviour, and probably save money as well (if you know what i mean). Time management, acceptance, control, medication, confidence, comfortable environment, expressing thoughts/feelings............= these all bring about chnage. Don't think to stop anything suddenly as this rarely lasts more than a week. Be gradual and reward youself with your achievements, make note of your achievements (even silly things). Mark them off and create new ones ONLY when they are completed. Don't make unobtainable goals. It's better to have a goal of "Having a shower" rather than "In 2005 I am going to be president"....you know what I mean.
Hope this helps......I can't say it's a magical cure, but it has helped me to be in control at least,Good Luck.
poster:MARKED
thread:297939
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040114/msgs/301987.html