Posted by VitalSign on February 7, 2004, at 3:23:48
I was told I have bi-polar disorder. I have been taking 50 mgs of Luvox a day and 1mg of Xanax a day for 7 years for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. My new doctor said my main concern is bi-polar.
He prescribed Depakote and I hated it. I felt terrible. Then I read about about the side effects. Life threatening pancreas possibilities out of the blue? No thanks!!
Is there any alternative to getting mania under control without taking medications that scare the hell out of me after reading the package insert?
I am tired of not feeling stable. I yell at my finacee and say hurtful things I don't mean. I have gotten physical with her like dumping ashtrays on her and break her stuff. I feel so bad and evil. Maybe I am just a rotten human being and this is what rotten people do? Maybe bi-polar is just a nice way of telling me I'm scum and to make a few bucks off of me? Some days I want to quit my job and do dangerous things like sleep with hookers, gamble my money away, and quit my job. Other days I want to have a normal life with a family, house and a dog in the yard.
I feel my life is dangerous to those that love me because I am so unstable. I hurt those that love me and I don't want to do it anymore. But i cannot bring myself to take these drugs that make me feel worse and immobile plus have package inserts that look like a Steven King novel.
If there is no other solution please be honest. False hope is worse than no hope. If I am stuck with this I have another plan, but I'd like to know if there is anything else I can do/take.
Thanks.
-Scott
poster:VitalSign
thread:310410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040204/msgs/310410.html