Posted by Pandabear on February 15, 2004, at 13:21:26
I have been posting a lot on here lately and talking of how im depressed and all and lately I have been "up" rather than down and yet today I feel like im starting to go back down. I think its stupid because I can go down at the slightest thing...today, my parents and I went to lunch after church and my mom and I got into an arguement right when we walked into the restaurant. She ended up not talking to me throughout the lunch and treating me like I was lower than dirt. Everytime I would talk she would shut me up by changing the subject and giving some rude remark about how she didnt care about what I was talking about. She was angry with me but I refused to let her get to me because I didnt want to have a cat fight with her..(we are famous for fighting with one another). My mom makes me break out in a rash when we fight because I try and not respond the same way that she responds to me and therefore it is too much for my body and I break out ...isnt that odd. ANYWAY, She completely irritated me and now I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH HER. I dont want to speak to her AT ALL. Our arguement was over the fact that my boss had brought something for me to my house last weekend and even though we visited and I thanked her OVER AND OVER for the things she gave me..my mom was saying that I should write a thank you note. EXCUSE ME but I am 24 almost 25 and I know what is right and wrong. I FIGURED that since she had come to my house and we had talked for a long time..and I thanked her TO HER FACE...that that would be enough. My mom thought differently and therefore made a BIG DEAL about it.
I thought that this lunch wasnt going to effect me but it is. Im so worked up over my mom treating me so weird. I should be used to it. I know she is just being a mother..but no...our relationship is so screwed up. My therapist has told me to distance myself from her but I dont know how to do that without hurting her. She really irritates me and the stress she causes me is not good for me. She doesnt realize that everytime we argue she makes me sad to the point where I can become depressed. I am about to go lay down because i cannot stop thinking about her and this is my only way of escaping her. At the same time, I know that I shouldnt be laying down because that is what will make me more depressed but I just want to shut the world out for a while... I HATE MY RELATIONSHIP WTIH MY MOM. I WANT TO YELL at her and tell her to leave me alone but I have been told by my therapist that the way i have yelled in the past at my mom is considered emotional immaturity. Yes, I do realize that i have this about me but, I need to be heard and it hurts so bad that my mom treats me like she does.
I dont understand at all why it is soooo easy for me to come down from being ok. I woke up this morning feeling down and then once my mom and I argued, it confirmed that i was going down. Does anyone have the same problem that I do? Is it easy for some of you guys to go down from being happy? I JUST GOT OVER BEING DEPRESSED from last weekend..and did well for a week and now here I go again. I told my mom she had no idea what I went through last weekend since she was out of town and she said that she did and that they were living it with me..NO she doesnt know...she wasnt here and she cannot possibly know what I was going through and my exact feelings..I know she was "living" it with me..yet how can she say that she knows how things were for me....geez..she really irritates me. I just wish could know why it is so easy for me to go down so quickly. I do have hypomania but I dont know if this is one of my cycles...going down and then back up so quickly...im so confused. I felt on top of the world this past weekend and now im feeling down so i dont know if this is my hypomania or my depression or if it is just all in my head...i dont know what to do or think anymore im so confused and I feel that no one understands me and that everyone is against me. This site is the only place that I feel like everyone understands me. :(
poster:Pandabear
thread:313611
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040215/msgs/313611.html