Posted by bark2323 on March 7, 2004, at 16:26:57
In reply to Re: bipolar or not (long) » bark2323, posted by B2chica on March 7, 2004, at 15:04:26
Its weird how it can be both comforting and scary to be able to relate to someone in this arena.
I am sorry you have found those around you responding the way they are, but Im sure you know they just probably dont know how to rrespond to a thing like this (or just dont want to believe theyre friend is hurting in a way they cant help), and though obviously I have no way of knowing, it has been my experience that this "all in your head" stuff people say fades as they understand more. Although no one has said that to me recently (theyve known for a long time), I have been thinking it myself and god it all becomes so confusing! How can you ever know for sure? How do you know if youre treatment is helping or hurting you? How do you know where you end and 'it' begins? like you, I see myself/my life in this disorder and everything Ive read about it, but here I am again questioning it, looking for one thing to tell me something like every matt perry (my name) has/does not have bipolar disorder.
Anyways, for me I started out at the age of 13/14 (hehe more coincidances) with my first depression, also the worst, and up until like the past year or 2 that was my main problem. I'm 22 now by the way. I also switched around that time from D-M-I to M-D-I. The depressive stuff seems to be fading, both in time and intensity, while hypomania is becoming more and more prominent. This would be a great situation if not for the irritability, suspiciousness/paranoia, and that unable-to-stop feeling that come in at the end. And of course the fact that I sometimes do things I really regret. But now I feel fine and it is tempting to believe "it was all a fluke" regardless of how foolish I know that sounds. I agree with you about stress, except it seems to actually fuel me. There is plenty of evidence that BP is biological, but environmental factors obviously affect us biologically. It is definately possible meds can worsen depression, especially if you are not frequently depressed and it coincides with some prescription, although I think its pretty rare for the population as a whole for the drugs you list at the bottom. I stopped effexor when it stopped working after I had got up to 450mg and tried various augmentation strategies. I then switched dr.s and the new one put me on trileptal as a mood stabilzer and it turned out to be good against depression. I will bring questions to my doc (also on wed). I just worry because the last time I saw him I remember him saying your bipolarity is really coming through, coupled with the fact I am not on a m.s. while waiting to start a new one, will simply look like "lack of insight". And maybe it is. Do you get that feeling like theres 2 of you, one who looks at the evidence and decides, and one that simply decides youre fine and wont stop looking at the evidence until it sees what it wants?
matt
poster:bark2323
thread:321606
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040304/msgs/321690.html