Posted by bounceabout on March 17, 2004, at 16:23:50
I'm new here (I've been reading a bit) and would like a bit of input from a few of you. I was diagnosed disthymic in 1998 and rediagnosed cyclothymic in 2003. However, I'm not sure that either diagnosis is spot on. I'd like to list some general symptoms for discussion. I won't include the standard eating/sleeping patterns since they seem to fall right in line with the diagnosis, but I'm concerned about cycling and borderline personality.
My ups and downs have a *general* trend of about three months each - I mark this by either significantly positive or significantly negative events and actions in my life. In other words, every 3 to 6 months, something goes drastically wrong or drastically right in my life, but they are always self-actualized. Closing down a successful business out of boredom, writing a novel in record time, moving 2700 miles east for different weather, divorce(s) - these are the major events I measure my general mood-period by.
CAUTION: Possible triggers in next paragraph!
However, there are more frequent events in between that concern me. My emotional state can change in a matter of hours and back again as quickly. What bothers me most is the the extreme nature of the swings as well as the rapidity. For instance, I may start a day by letting my mouth fill up with water and debating whether or not to inhale. By lunch, I'm staring out of a window for 40 minutes before realizing that I don't know where I am. By the end of the day I've run around the block in my underwear "because it's just as good as shorts". While watching TV, I'll laugh hysterically at a stupid joke, sob uncontrollably at a Kodak commercial and get so angry with a news commentator that I'll put my foot through the TV screen - all in about an hour's time.
I'm also beginning to have more "visions" of myself in pain - not that I should hurt myself, but that whatever mundane daily task I'm performing could cause me serious injury - and I experience that injury vividly for a moment as I'm doing the task. I've had to pull off the road before because of visions of my hand getting caught in the front left wheel(!) or hide my finger nail clippers because every time I look at them, I experience the sensation of clipping off the tips of my teeth with them.
I don't hear voices and don't see people that aren't there (I don't think), but things seem to be getting progressively worse. I've tried sertraline (bad experience) and citolapram (no real effect) but I hate the numbing effects of medicines in general. I haven't seen a doctor for long enough (more than 15 minutes) to get what I would consider an educated, well-informed diagnosis.
With that, I throw it to the "amateurs". Any ideas?
poster:bounceabout
thread:325358
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040313/msgs/325358.html