Posted by Racer on March 18, 2004, at 0:51:51
In reply to Re: Mouth frozen, cant speak -- Depressive symptom, posted by robot on March 17, 2004, at 23:34:57
> Interesting. Its like its a purely mechanical problem for us--is it related to lack of energy for you? Its not for me. It sounds like it debilitates you worse than me. Very focused, comfortable situations, like talking my doctor, are usually okay.
Nope, not really lack of energy. I feel as if I have the energy to speak, and even the energy to speak pretty well, just don't see much point to it. After all, if no one is going to hear me, why use that energy for no reason? And if no one is going to take the trouble to listen, then I'm just hurting myself by trying.
> Im curious what you mean by 'it only takes a second of nonresponse to shut me down entirely.'
I'm in a tough situation right now. All the 'treatment' I get is through an agency contracted by the county to provide mental health care to the medically indigent, and I'm just not sick enough to be on their radar. The 'treatment' I've been getting is pretty terrible, and is now actively adversarial. I've gone off all the meds, because I was getting too sick on them, and I'm now at the edge of cancelling the therapy services, because they're also wearing me out. (Sure, this might be the famous Lack Of Insight in those of us suffering Serious Mental Illness, but it might also be that I suffer from plain vanilla depression, have never heard a single voice suggest that I save France, and am an otherwise unremarkable, intelligent, relatively well-educated, middle aged woman. The pdoc I'm assigned to has to weigh most of his patients because they're "too out of it" to keep track of med related weight gain. I walk in, clean from a shower in my own home, and can tell him not only the day of the week, but also that our president was not elected by the popular vote. That pretty much tells them that I don't 'really' need any help. Then the therapist comes along to tell me that I'm not suffering from Major Depression, but have an Axis I diagnosis of Major Depression, and should consider how well I fit the Axis II diagnoses of Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and we'd better start looking at those aggressive traits... Maybe the perceived agression you are noticing, Lady, has something to do with the fact that you're trying to stuff me into a textbook, instead of listening to me or trying to understand anything I say?) Anyway, as soon as they start telling me that all my needs are being met, and that it's up to me to make myself happy with the wonderful quality of care they're providing, I shut down. It's not worth making the effort, so I'll keep my mouth shut. And it seems as though, in order to keep my mouth shut and not say what I'm feeling, I have to keep it shut around food, too. As for non-caregivers, I can talk a bit, but any frustrations at all stop me. As soon as someone makes any noise like disagreeing with me, or criticising me, I just shut up and shut down. Does that make sense?
> thanks for the response.
>
> >My pleasure. I hope it helps some, I know it helped me to hear someone else experienced my own unique uncooperative sullenness. (<<facicious -- they've told me so often now that I'm asking too much and totally unreasonable, that I have to try to poke bitter fun at myself. Please don't be offended.) You're absolutely right, it's not something I've ever had a doctor or therapist understand, but I figure -- just as a statistic -- if I do it, someone else must do it too. Whatever else I am, I can't be the first to come up with this symptom. If I were, they'd name it Racer's Recalcitrance. ;-) So, I hope my response helped you as much as your question helped me.
poster:Racer
thread:324836
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040313/msgs/325526.html