Posted by snapper on March 29, 2004, at 16:12:45
In reply to self esteem issues and brain chemistry? help, posted by jerimycoplo on March 29, 2004, at 3:11:52
hi jc, i too suffer from ocd,social anxiety some soft bipolararity depression etc. etc. I do know this-when I was younger, probably 14-18 years old, I had a very hard time dating within my highschool because I thought that people did not like me.I covered up my feelings of low self esteem and self worth by being the class clown,and to a certain degree it worked! In doing so I thought that it would make people like me when in Fact that was not true; most of the time,they DID in fact like or accept me. It was just me turning on myself so to speak. I am sure that to many people {I probably appeared to be stuck up and that was not the case. I felt shy and awkward at times-which most people in high school usually experience- it was frustrating because I tended to not get involved or interact with others unless I was "sure" that they liked me and accepted me!! } I found solace in alcohol which turned out to be more detrimental than the original problem. What the fact is , is that I don't really believe that low self esteem is a 'true disorder' all and of it self.It is most likely a manifestation of your struggles with the ocd and SA that propel you to constantly 'lift' and feel better about youself so you can validate your feelings, but overcome some of them with the knowledge and power that lifting gives you a serious sense of self confidence. I am sorry if I am conveying things to you in an oversimplified and analytical manner but I would say that I wish I would have had more tenacity and motivation to lift weights, work out and soforth to get my self feeling good 'naturally' than having to rely upon the acceptance and approval of others If lifting weights makes you feel good then by all means keep it up. It's good for you and def helps with confidence and self esteem ..I would caution this to you ...I hope you don't fall into the idea that lifting weights is the primary thing- that will create a perfect self esteem .. - I am really starting to realize that we need balance in life! (which my mother tryed to convey to me many, many,many times, but hey I was young and stong and IN CONTROL!! So I thought!) I wish to commend you on your own personal insight into how you interact and feel safe and secure in the city and don't feel so secure in groups etc. I think that it is a critical component in your being able to overcome these specific obstacles.... You still sound young in age from what you said about yourself in your post and that is GOOD because You can most likely make some exceptional changes in the way you percieve yourself. When I had a good relationship with a woman I felt confident and mostly secure once I got to know her and she got to know me.I am at an age that I "FEEL" it is going to be next to impossible to overcome my own feelings of low self esteem and feelings of inadaquecy...how ever I am NOT truly giving up hope for a brighter future because I have a good therapist that is VERY willing to help me overcome my past hurts, feelings of rejection, unresolved grief , severe trauma and losses over the last 14 years that I have experienced,which in turn lead to mood problems > I guess bottom line is this.. I know exactly how you feel! I did a very good job in covering up my low self esteem issues etc, by 'super engaging in creating my own business' which in turn , I thought would bring me more self esteem and feelings and worth and acceptance not only from friends but females as well, it only worked to a certain degree.. I am not a therpist by any means, & cerainly don't have all the answers-If I did I would'nt be browsing, lurking and posting and looking for answers like so many others here on PB! I can definitely relate to your situation... the good news is this.
I would probably guess that you are at a young enough age to hopefully find a good therapist to help you sort out all your feelings. I wish I had done this myself. I do know how powerful and super in charge you can feel while out and about and not having to interact with others so much and that in itself gave me a better sense of self esteem , however when in small groups I did'nt always feel like I fit in.. looking back I do know that these feelings were mostly exxagerated on my part because I can look back at my high school year book and read all the nice and positive things that people wrote to me when they signed my yearbook... that helped me revalidate some-not all of my feelings about who accepted me and who I THOUGHT did not accept me...hey I know this Is a very long reply and I apologize if it has further confused you. That is by no means my intention in responding to your post. lol, the mere fact that I feel compelled to explain things to you from my perspective is most likely due to my OCD. However take heed and have hope because I do know this for sure.... most people who live with Social Anxiety and OCD, and low self esteem etc, are some of the brightest, warmest,smartest,compassionate, and most likable people around. We just somehow need to find ways to let ourselves-let others-accept us! (hope that is not confusing!:)- Yes some of it is brain chemisty and some of it is psycho-social.Something that meds may or may not be able to help with. IMHO!
Hey, I will quit rambling but I just felt compelled to offer you some hope, and hope it makes you feel better...It is truly a scary and at times very isolating thing to live with but I do believe that you can control it to a reasonable degree. I am just NOW trying to learn to not be so hard on myself and realize that , hey if people like me they like me if not then they don't - not everybody likes everybody. In closing, i wish to tell you this... I believe that meds can play a role in helping you but I found them not to be the definitive answer.If you feel like posting back that would be cool! I just have an inkling that there are a lot more people on PB that are dealing with these very same issues and we all need to compare notes thoughts and most of all, stick together so we can help each other get well!!
Good Luck to You!
snapper
poster:snapper
thread:329723
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040329/msgs/329953.html