Posted by oneamradio on June 6, 2004, at 3:40:05
Hi Everyone.
I posted once a long time ago.
I've been suffering from depression for over five years now. I'm only 19.
And I'm starting to feel the way I did when I was at my lowest. When I actually contemplated suicide. The main thing retaining my sanity at all is the thought of my parents faces if they saw me...
When I was first diagnosed, I was put on Prozac and Trazodone, but those two clearly had no effect. I went through 3 different psychiatrists/therapists, and the 3rd one wanted to admit me to a mental institution. The only thing that kept me from going was "insurance problems." I have no idea if that is true or not. I don't think my parents wanted me to go. I didn't want to either. That was one of the scariest days of my life. I really don't think locking me up is going to make me feel better.
I've been on Effexor XR for over a year now... Been on 450mg/day for I believe 9 months now... First visit was 85mg, second was 150, third was 300, fourth was 450. I started in May 2003, went each month for a visit... I think that's about right. With each increase, I think I somehow psychologically tricked myself into thinking things were getting better and that I was happier. But each time something bad happened, I quickly descended into a downward spiral. And things would get bad. Fast.
I know that 450mg is a fairly high dosage. I've done my research. 225mg is the highest they did testing on, 375mg is the highest recommended... I think 450mg is the legal something-or-other?
I just find this all very discouraging... My next apppointment is June 17. Could anyone recommend what I should tell/ask my doc?
I just got finished crying so hard that I literally could not breathe through my nose, and I had trouble breathing through my mouth. I've tried so much. Exercising, new hobbies, talking to people (I can't really find anyone who seems to understand... Lots of people make it seem like depression is a choice but if that were the case--I would choose to be happy right now, unfortunately it's not that simple). Even though I HATE the idea of medication, I took that route again. And even though I am on a high dosage of the so-called "power" drug, I'm still finding myself getting occasionally as depressed as I was the summer after 8th grade.
It's getting harder to motivate myself out of this. I've been trying... I really want this to be over. I'm trying.
Can someone please help. Please. It would be very much appreciated. ANY advice is welcome.
Thanks for your time...
poster:oneamradio
thread:354204
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040602/msgs/354204.html