Posted by scatterbrained on June 11, 2004, at 20:30:45
This is my story. I'm 21, have tried many many meds for depression-welbutrin,celexa,lamictal,geodon,
ritalin,prozac,paxil,zyprexa,risperdal,serequel,
effexor and probably a bunch of other meds that I can't remember.About three years ago I tried Paxil and it worked. Although I had some word finding problems, for the most part it seemed to clear up my head so I could think and It got rid of my anhedonia. In fact, in was such a remission that I couldn't even feel sadness, which I didn't like so I went off it abruptly, which ended up being a huge mistake. As a rebound effect, I got totally paranoid and decided to go on zyprexa, I was so anxious that I just didn't want to feel anything so I let the doctor keep increasing the dose all the way up to 10mg which he was more than happy to do. Then after two weeks I went off of it because I wanted to feel again. When I was on the zyprexa, the doctor took a blood test to see if I was taking it.He told me that the blood test showed HUGE quanities of zyprexa in my blood stream, to an unhealthy degree. I asked if I might have gotten brain damage from it and his response was "it's possibe, but would you rather be looking in the mirror thinking you might have aids" which was my obssession,too conveluted to explain.Anyway, since then my depression has become treatment resistant with terrible,terrible cognitive problems to the point of not even being able to mantain a train of thought. I'm not saying that it is brain damage, I certainly hope not and don't think so because I've had, even after the zyprexa mistake, breif moments of lucidity, which I guess would be impossible if brain damage was causing this psuedo dementia.....right?Can cognition fluctuate even with brain damage,I certainly hope not cause that would mean that brain damage could be a possibility. Anyway, aside from that, I have these wierd sort of waves of confusion that my doctor has never heard of anybody else having. For example, I'll listen to music and sort of get into it when this brief moment of confusion and dizzyness hits me and I lose total consentration and start to become more and more anhedonic. Sometimes I go to sleep just to get away from it.This also seems to happen when I try to remember something or think of something complex. I just get dizzy and confused and lose total train of thought (which is only a few words at a time before I forget what I'm thinking). Has anybody experienced anything similar?Does anybody have any ideas about what pathology this could be? It also happens when I try to have an emotion in full. I start to get an emotion and then I get confused and totally blunted,I feel very robotic. The meds I'm on right now are Lamictal,300, Paxil 25 and Adderal.I've had some success with the lamictal but nothing anywhere near the point of being able to go to school, work,pursue my creative endeavors,etc.I've gone to numerous doctors so I've pretty much ruled out anything organic, I almost wish I would find something organic so they could take out the tumor or whatever and then this horrific way of living would go away and I could live my life and fulfill my dreams and my potential.
poster:scatterbrained
thread:355894
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040608/msgs/355894.html