Posted by corafree on August 6, 2004, at 5:50:30
Living has become a daily nightmare these past couple weeks. Since I have borderline personality disorder, it is time to begin DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). My therapist told me I had to be absolutely sure ??? I could go to both sessions a week, one w/ her and one w/ the group. Since my last doc w/ the God syndrome, whom I will no longer see, said I was noncompliant (It was becaue I was in the midwest watching my father die!). That was one of his reasons for taking me off Klonopin. I was on six a day. Now, I am noncompliant, and I AM missing appts., all kinds of appts. My anxiety level has gone way up, beyond what two Klonopin can even touch, and I can’t go anywhere and am agoraphobic. The system I’m in hasn’t even appointed me a new doc yet. I am either in physical or emotional pain constantly and suidical ideation is at its greatest. The will and the way are literally worked out. My therapist said that if I failed to comply w/ DBT it could be very bad for me. I am so undescribably scared and fear (I HATE FEAR) is ruling me. Still my fam of origin does not show that they care about my illness, as my father did. My children love me so much that they are even willing to let me go if I can no longer stand living. My caseworker says ‘don’t sabotage yourself.’ but I am. HELP! Please help me hang on. I don’t know how to go it alone anymore! I need you all so very much. cf
poster:corafree
thread:374606
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040805/msgs/374606.html