Posted by SAW on August 19, 2004, at 8:38:25
In reply to Re: Almost killed myself last night...SAW, posted by RWF on August 19, 2004, at 7:35:30
Hi RWF
I was going through a divorce after an abusive and traumatic marriage and life just “caught” up with me. I suffered a complete mental / nervous breakdown and was hospitalized 3 times in a couple of months. During that time, I managed to clock up quite a list of meds all of which disagreed with me. I didn’t have a good pdoc / s and more harm was done than good with all the med swapping.
I left work one morning with the same “shaky feeling” you mentioned, went home, guzzled copious amounts of wine and swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. (I forget the name). I did all of this sitting inside my (then) 9 month old son’s cot. Well, I survived and had a 3 day sleep. Didn’t even feel “hungover” when I woke up. But the shaking ……. and the emptiness ….. those feelings remained. I stayed away from work for a couple of months, until I nearly lost my job and new that I would have to go back. So I went back, declared myself “well” and stopped all meds, instantly.
That was 4 years ago.
This year, I married my new husband and should have been the happiest woman alive, but spent so much time in tears, feeling empty, feeling lost, disconnected, in pain, feeling desperate, irritable, unfocused, drinking too much, and there’s more but I guess you know. I eventually knew that I had relapsed, but was in denial and am supposed to be so strong! In any event, I had no triggers and had been happy for the last 4 years so felt really guilty about being so depressed. My husband tried so hard to understand. By his own admission, he is inclined to say “snap out of it”. However, he supported me and the decision to go on meds again even though he hates “drugs”. I started Effexor XR 75mg 10 days ago and will go up to 150mg after a month. We also both feel that I don’t want to be taking, as you say, “head meds” but after 10 days on effexor, I have calmed down significantly and hardly cry anymore.
I do hope for you that you don’t have a bad reaction to the Effexor XR. Stick it out as long as you can. The pdoc says I shouldn’t feel much different for up to 6 weeks, but there is a definite difference already. It has made me a better wife and a better mother to my son (who was diagnosed with ADHD a month ago). So like you say …. so be it!! I am glad though, that you are doing a bit better.
poster:SAW
thread:378864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040817/msgs/379383.html