Posted by Smeegle on August 23, 2004, at 22:10:23
My appt with my pdoc is a week or so away and I really need to vent. (Prob will end up requesting an earlier appt...much sooner). Anyhow, here it is. I have been on Effexor XR for a little over three years now. Current dose is 300 mg. Initially it was my wonder drug. I was myself again. Living life and loving it. I am not sure when it started, but it seems as though Effexor is sucking the life out of me. All I want to do is sleep and it's not the typical "I am depressed and want to stay in bed" kind of sleep. I know the difference. No matter how much sleep I get, it is never enough. Have done two sleep studies (only mild apnea) and just found out that I am now hypothyroid (listed as a possible side effect of Effexor). I feel sluggish physically and mentally. I have zero motivation for anything. (I actually joke with my pdoc about needing to get motivated to get motivated). I am dog-a$$ed tired down to my bones. Medical tests have ruled out any other explanations.
But those aren't even the main reasons I feel that I absolutely must get off this medication. It seems like dose increases are getting more and more frequent. I feel better initially but quickly it doesn't just get bad again, it gets worse and worse than ever before. I am now at the max dose that my pdoc will prescribe (thankfully...I feel like such a crack head that I wonder if i would actually agree to an even higher dose). I get panicky when the bottle starts getting low. It doesn't even take 24 full hours before my brain starts zapping. My dr and I have discussed that it is probably time to change and he wants to switch over to Celexa. I know nothing about this med and need to get some first person feedback. I am scared shitless about weaning off this stuff. I am all too aware of what is coming. I feel positive that I will be suicidal (though I was never suicidal before taking this stuff). Any time that I have missed a dose (or two), I start getting SI quite a bit. I don't want to get locked up, but am scared at how I will do. I know I have to be honest with my pdoc about what all I am thinking/feeling but...hmmm, I just hope I can be. I am okay as long as I am on it so don't think I am about to do anything crazy. I am just extremely anxious about this.
Thanks for letting me babble. My husband tries his damnest to be supportive but is incapable of understanding what it's like to be in my skin. To be so utterly depressed that one wishes to cease to exist. For years. and years. and years. No one around me understands what it's like to have a freaking chemical imbalance in your brain that makes me think/react differently to the world than them. There are two me's. The one that the world knows and the other one they wouldn't want to know.
Smeegs
poster:Smeegle
thread:381552
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040821/msgs/381552.html