Posted by utopizen on October 11, 2004, at 21:17:49
In reply to Re: Utopizen, ame sans vie, tepiaca......, posted by jonh kimble on October 11, 2004, at 20:07:06
no johnh, hang in there. I think I wasn't clear enough for you.
I meant to convey the sense that you will find partial relief-- sometimes a lot of relief from certain conditions- and the rest you need to find relief from doing the things that take courage and commitment to do-- like group therapy, which is especially helpful for social anxiety- and other forms of CBT, and plenty of exercise.
Look, you need to have meds for the rest of your life, and I can't underscore that. The degree of your social anxiety and ADD and such, from what you just posted, is incredibly severe, like mine. You've been through a lot, ever since a kid, and since your ADD leads you to be a day dreamer, my guess is your ambitions are as high as the moon-- which is difficult.
You might daydream sometime of going up in public to give a speech for a lifetime achievement award, and the next minute some new girl walks down the hall and you fumble on your words.
You need to always be on meds, though. Social anxiety and ADD left untreated leads to some very severe depression, and what happened with me is I gave up the antidepressants, took some Klonopin and Desoxyn, but months later got severe depression and was in denial over it. Benzo or not, stimulant or not, antidepressants are vital for someone with symptoms as severe as you or I have them.
Have you tried Cymbalta? I've tried every AD except for Serzone to this stage, and Cymbalta looks promising. The FDA approval came out on my birthday this August, maybe that's a sign.
I don't think Klonopin and Desoxyn are bad ideas. What I was trying to convey to you is that to some extent, some sort of depression can lead to a worsening of anxiety and ADD symptoms. So you need to combine a benzo and a stimulant with an antidepressant at least. And for you, a powerful one-- we're talking high-dose Effexor, or high-dose Cymbalta (I'd try out Cymbalta, see how you do at 60mg, and work up to 120mg if your doctor feels he must to notice improvement).
But this is up to your doc. Look, you need the relief meds bring you. You know that-- you've experienced how it is they make you feel when you've taken them. It sounds like the benzos and stimulants aren't working for you as they use to for you, and that's basically a sign of worsening depression. Fix the depression, and you've fixed the problem of the other meds not working.
I have depression. I really wish I could do all-nighters and work on papers like I'm a genius Kerouac again, but it ain't happening. I have to push myself to go to the library. I have to get myself to leave my dorm room. I have to begin weaning myself off the 'net trying to research this stuff, and I need to start doing that immediately.
You need to try something like Cymbalta. And go for the Klonopin, and the Desoxyn, but don't bank on it or anything. Ask your doc about options to agressively treat your depression. Then, after your dose is at the target level and you're at the stage where you just need to up it incrementally and augment with lithium or some Risperdal or such, then start inquiring about what your DOCTOR thinks of trying Klonopin and Desoxyn.
Be open to his opinion. If he says he wants you to not try it while you're seeing how an antidepressant med might help you, ask if you can get "as needed" Klonopin for your more stressful events. Let him know you're concerned about your ADD symptoms, and want to "explore" other options. Be open to Straterra, and if that fails, then ask him if he's open to the option of trying Desoxyn. Inform him that it has a history of abuse, and be up-front with him. But if you don't find relief from 20-25mg/day, give up, or combine it with Straterra and see how that goes. If you take too much Desoxyn, you will sweat. I had to get $1650 for Botox-A injections over this. I would have been better off taking an antidepressant and not relying on Desoxyn to solve my woes.
When you have depression, amphetamines and benzos are like a band-aide for them. With enough band-aids-- enough doses- you'll hide your wounds. But all you're doing is hiding an infection that is rotting away at your brain. And eventually, all the band-aids in the world can't stop you once your body begins to shut down, you get sleepy, and you can't function. It's no way to live.
Keep the meds. Add CBT. Have your psychiatrist know you're doing CBT. He/she will be more likely to treat you with the serious meds like Klonopin or Desoxyn if he or she is aware that's your honestly comitted to reaching long-term goals, not sticking another band-aid on your brain.
poster:utopizen
thread:401023
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041007/msgs/401890.html