Posted by Caper on October 27, 2004, at 13:00:24
Warning: this is a long one, a bit of a rant. I'm confused and wondering lots of things...is this diagnosis correct? Would trileptal help? Has anyone else ever gone out for coffee and ended up 1000 miles from home?
I've recently been "upgraded" from Bipolar II to Bipolar I. In the past few months I've left home three times without intending to. Once I ended up in my old college town on my own. Why I went I have no idea. I don't remember getting there.
The first time I ran away was after I checked myself out of a detox soon after I got there. It wasn't very clean, there was no therapy, there were scary people...or maybe, to be perfectly honest, I just wanted to drink. Anyway, I called a taxi and went to the nearest cheap, sleazy motel (after a stop for alcohol of course). Then I got a cell phone call from a violent ex-boyfriend, threatening me. Obviously I should have called my family or the police, but in my scared and drunken and irrational state of mind I called another ex of mine who had always protected me in the past. He told me not to open the door to anyone and then dropped everything and drove about 10 hours to come and get me and take me away. Stupid me- I hear a knock and assume it's the good ex and open the door. Turns out it's the bad ex and I get beaten pretty badly before some guys passing by in the hallway drag him off me. Why they didn't call the cops I don't know, but again, it was a really sleazy motel. I thanked them and locked the door. Then I must have fallen asleep for a while (or passed out) until the good ex arrived. I remember relief when he got there, but have no memory of the drive to a place where no one could find us- which must have been at least 12 hours. Memories of the week there with him are vague, except for the time I woke up on the beach at about 3 or 4am. What was I thinking?!? Was it the alcohol, the bipolar, the head injury? Or am I just plain crazy?
Third time: I'm having coffee and get a cell call. My relative said "Come visit. I can buy an electronic ticket for you and you can be here in 7 hours", and I said "Okay". Once again, I left with the clothes on my back and my purse and no clue when or how I'd get back home.Is this sort of unplanned travel typical for bipolars? I did it once before too, when I was 19. I suddenly decided I wanted to go to Michigan and the next day I was there- 900 miles from home, with about $100 and a few clothes. And this was years before I became an alcoholic.
So does anyone have an opinion? Do I sound Bipolar? Does it even matter if the meds work? Which leads me to my next question:
Trileptal...does it work? What dosages do people take? Side effects? I've taken depakote and lithium before but couldn't stand the depakote side effects, and lithium is hard on kidneys and I want to keep mine healthy. (I have 6 diabetics in my life and I love them and I want to be able to give a kidney if needed.)
If you were able to get through this meandering, confusing, stream-of-consciousness post and can give me any information about trileptal or bipolar experiences I'd be very grateful. Thanks.
Caper
poster:Caper
thread:407931
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041024/msgs/407931.html