Posted by merry on November 13, 2004, at 20:40:01
In reply to Re: adverse effects » headachequeen, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 10:53:11
I know what those highs and lows feel like. What kat is talking about I understand, too. But it isn't the same thing. I am a very creative person, too. I always have something going on. I have a small farm to run and kids to take care of. I'm an artist and a musician. I'm a single mom to boot! But when I get the highs, I really have a hard time functioning normally. I can't get much done because I have so much on my mind all at once. My music can't wait so my animals have to go hungry. My mind starts racing and I can't concentrate on my music. Then I get anxious so I have to paint but then dinner doesn't get made. My house won't get cleaned. and on and on it goes until I realize I'm manic and I have to try to stop myself before everything goes to pot. I feel awful. I can't breathe. I can't stop. I can't sleep. So I have to take a something like xanax or klonpine to calm myself and slow myself down. It is an awful feeling. It's not very fun. But the opposite pole is worse. the black pit of despair. That is the hell I don't want to visit. The topomax so far has been keeping me even keel. I have rapid cycling type II, so I can go up and down within days, hours, minutes. It's hard to tell when I will change cycles. It is something that is hard to live with. My daughter suffers from depression and is being treated with meds. She has her own pdoc and therapist. She is 14yrs old. I have to be strong for her.
Today, I feel a little down and weepy. I worked outside all day cleaning all the poopy I negleted to clean last week. My furry and feathered friends are no longer mad at me. Sometimes I panic because when I feel down like this I think that the topomax quit on me.
Is it okay that I am having a glass of wine tonight? I'm not a drinker. I just wanted one glass. I'm exhausted.
merry
poster:merry
thread:5053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041113/msgs/415618.html