Posted by Ktemene on January 13, 2005, at 21:19:03
In reply to Re: Can't read! -- Addendem » Ktemene, posted by AMD on January 12, 2005, at 15:02:01
> Ktemene,
>
> Thank you /so/ much for your posting. It's unbelievable how closely our experiences match. I could have been reading my own dialogue (wrong word, but my word recall is down today). Particularly the part regarding memory and comprehension. I know exactly how that feels -- I'm in the midst of it right now. I keep the company of highly intelligent folks, and feeling suddenly dumbed down, forgetful of things I typically recall with ease, and cognitively blunted -- let's just say I feel like the odd man out.
>
> It makes me hopeful reading your message that these symptoms will pass, and that my cognitive functioning and typically /stellar/ memory will return.
>
> But right now -- still having a problem. I read about 10 pages last night with difficulty of a book I am thoroughly enjoying and have thus far read with a rapid pace (if you're interested it's the "Illuminatus! Trilogy" by Shea and Wilson).
>
> I know I am definitely /never/ smoking marijuana again -- that is bad news. Alcohol has a similarly negative effect on me.
>
> I've been depressed for about 16 months now, with periods of one-to-four weeks of remission, but never anything longer. It's been marked by obsessiveness-driven depression, substance-driven depression (like this latest), and depression kicked off by medicine.
>
> Only in the past few months have I begun to feel a real improvement -- and then I do this and I feel like I'm back to square one. I thought the human brain was plastic, not so sensitive!
>
> I keep thinking back to the days when I was care free, engaged in my endeavors, enjoying my life without worry. It seems ages ago! I am in my mid-twenties, and by 30 I'd like to have this under control. (See: I'm already planning my life around this ... disease.)
>
> As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm now taking Celexa and Lamictal, and have added Zoloft -- but I'm not sure this cocktail is working. I wonder if when I find the right medicine whether these extreme reactions to social drinking, etc., will continue to plague me. I don't know; we'll see. I am definitely going to speak to my doctor regarding medicines that will fine tune my cognition. Right now I'm filled with that "I've lost it for good" dread, and everytime I experience a memory-blip it simply reenforces these ruminations ... I feel almost like I'll obsess over this until I do something really challenging and convince myself I'm OK. I think perhaps I should sign up for a perpetual series of college courses if only to reaffirm quarterly I'm of at least above average intelligence!
>
> Ah, now I'm rambling. Well, one day at a time -- it's easier said than done when one has a highly pressured, highly intellectual job such as the one I do. Plus I have so many goals I want to accomplish this year! But I'm trying to work through the days /and/ go the gym, despite the strong temptation to sleep all day and all night.
>
> Again, thanks for the injection of hope.
>
> amdHi AMD,
You're very welcome! I am glad I could help; I have been helped by lots of people on this board.
I am glad you will be talking to your doctor about adjusting your medicines. It took me a long time to find the right combination. And, of course, I am still doing some adjusting. But having the right meds makes all the difference. People who don't have the sort of illnesses that plague us have no idea of how hard it can be for us just to get by. In fact, I had no idea, until I finally got the right medications and finally realized that other people were not amazingly braver and smarter and better than I was. They were just healthier. There was a wonderful poster here, Gracie, who best expressed, to my mind, what it is like when you finally find the right medications. I will copy the URL here: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030718/msgs/243355.htmlGood luck, and let us know how you are doing. And thanks for the book recommendation! I added it to my book list, but, alas, it will be a long while before I have a chance to read it.
Ktemene
poster:Ktemene
thread:440207
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050113/msgs/441910.html