Posted by med_empowered on May 23, 2005, at 0:24:11
In reply to Is this a good reason to go off meds?, posted by holymama on May 22, 2005, at 22:49:45
hey! I'm bipolar as well. I'm younger than you (I'm 20), and I have a lot less experience, but I guess I'll just share what happened with me. When I was first DX'd as bipolar, I was 18. My well-intentioned doctor at the time loaded me up on meds (7 by the time I quit seeing her) and I basically spent a year feeling just as you described--my "symptoms" were under control, but my inner-life, my creativity, all that, had gone to hell. So, I quit taking my meds. About 6months later, I got severely depressed. Eventually, I developed "psychotic depression"--hearing voices, that kind of thing (which is somewhat common for people with bipolar disorder). Again, I was put on medication--this time anti-depressants, anti-anxiety drugs and an anti-psychotic--that fixed the "symptoms" but left me feeling dull, blank, and stagnant. So, I quit taking those meds. Then I had an odd episode--possibly mania, possibly mixed-state...anyway, I don't remember any of the actual episode; all I remember is waking up in the mental hospital. I had been committed. So, now, I'm on a much better medication combo. I take an anti-depressant, BuSpar, and relatively low-dose mood-stabilizer (900mgs of Trileptal a day). I also take hydroxyzine for sleep as needed. I've finally found the *ideal* situation. I still have mild mood swings, both up and down, and I still get a bit hypomanic. Sometimes I love the hypomania and I let ir ride for a few days. But, the most *SEVERE* aspects of the disorder are covered--no psychosis, no deep depressions or frightening manias, and I also don't have any medication side-effects as far as I can tell. I guess my advice would be to work with your meds instead of thinking of managing bipolar disorder as an all (lots of meds and med-related problems) or nothing (no meds, but severe mood problems) situation. I'd also suggest that you try to be *very* assertive with any doctor who treats you. Here's what I learned: shrinks can be helpful, but they have flaws. The love normality. They see their role primarily as bringing people with mood-disorders into "normality" (which is ill-defined), even if doing so kills of the person's creativity and "spark". As I see it, my job is to advocate for myself. These days, when a shrink says such and such sounds "hypomanic," or "depressive," I kindly tell them that I'm doing fine, thanks, and that I can handle it right now; if I need their assistance, I'll let them know. I also tell my doctor flat out that I'm a person, not just a combination of "symptoms" and "disorders," and, like any person, I have the right to determine how I want to live and so on; I don't need anyone, a shrink or any other "expert" telling me what I should "accept" from medication or what my "therapeutic goals" are. I hope this has helped you some. Good luck!
poster:med_empowered
thread:501501
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050521/msgs/501528.html