Posted by marzhan on May 24, 2005, at 4:47:24
In reply to Re: Anyone taking klonopin for social phobia?, posted by pinky on June 24, 2004, at 10:22:22
I have been taking Lamictal for "Bipolar II." A diagnosis that was given to me but then later taken back after I was denied health insurance. Anyway, I've had such a hard time understanding "what is wrong with me" and it seems that I've been hitting brick wall after brick wall. I think it is depression my whole life, then bipolar, then some kind of anxiety, now I can't sleep at night, right now it's past five and at this point in the night, I don't even want to go to bed. I've been to two psychiatrists in my life. The first wasn't keen on prescribing drugs, but with time thought they were necessary. She put me on Prozac, and I about passed out in the middle of traffic. Later, wanting to run out in the middle of traffic. I decided it wasn't right for me, needless to say. Then came Wellbutrin. Which felt good for quite a while. It gave me a boost of energy where I had felt severely depressed, but then I noticed my hands shaking more and then the noticeable "cycling" began. I would get very irritable, and get headaches. I described this to my first psychiatrist and she felt maybe a mood stabilizer would be best. I went on it and it felt normal. Felt like nothing really, but I wasn't feeling like killing myself that often, so I thought, hey this stuff works. But I was also going to therapy during that period (going through the "coming out" process and feel like maybe that is what helped me manage my lower moods. Anyway. I've moved to NYC from a small town in middle america and am going to grad school and have changed psychiatrists and I haven't been "up" once here until now (the school year is done). The whole year I've felt unable to connect, socialize, reach out. I didn't want anyone to look at me. I liked to keep my glasses off so that the person's face was blurry. I felt that way I wouldn't feel such a direct gaze, but then I couldn't read their faces enough to feel engaged. I'm starting to wonder if the medicine is dulling my senses. And maybe this is all too typical bipolar of me, but I miss my ups. But they never got out of control. I just feel like I'm suffocating within myself. And my sleeping isn't helping. I'm on another time schedule from the rest of the world, and I don't know if it is to keep my distance or it is what is causing the distance. Either way, I talked to my second psychiatrist and she suggested putting me on Lithium! Now, I don't know much about what they've done with Lithium lately, but it scared the hell out of me. She didn't elaborate or anything. Then she said that maybe the solution was a sleep aid as I have troubles sleeping whether I am "Up" or "down." So she prescribed me Klonopin. When I’m down, I lay in bed cursing myself for not doing more in the day. I lay around unable to do my homework, etc. When I’m up, my mind can’t stop racing. Both times, I think about who I am going to talk to tomorrow. What conversations I can possibly start up. But by the time I get to school, I’ve lost interest or it feels so premeditated, I can’t engage in any social interaction. I keep asking myself if I’m experiencing normal adjustment issues, but if that is the case I’ve been adjusting for over 10 years now. And it is getting old.
I can’t talk to my psychiatrist about my questions, because she makes me feel like an idiot or that I’m supposed to have the answer or that I’m contradicting myself or I’m wasting her time. I’m confused and intimidated by her and I don’t know how to tell her I question whether I should be on this medication at all, if I’ve been misdiagnosed, etc. I can be with a group of people and space off into my own world as if nothing is happening, what is that? I just want someone to talk to me who has a similar experience, can give validity to my concerns. I just don’t know.
I just started the Klonopin at night for sleep aid, but it’s not helping a bit. I don’t know if it’s supposed to take time. I’m trying to watch for a change in anxiety, but I don’t want to misperceive anything. Does anyone relate to all this crap? experience something like it?
Please help
--marji
poster:marzhan
thread:347048
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050521/msgs/502144.html