Posted by Denise1966 on May 26, 2005, at 6:25:58
Hi,
What hope is there for people with TRD?
I remember the first time I ever took an antidepressant, I was about 24, the Antidepressant was 75mg prothiaden (dothiapin), I'd never even heard of antidepressants at that time and did not for a moment think it would do anything.. I remember lying on the bed and listening to Blondie (insomnia) as I'd been having problems sleeping, that drug worked within 24 hours I couldn't believe after over a year of relentless swimming, excercise and trying and trying to get myself out of that awful state that one little pill could do so much. So I thought to myself I must have been depressed and thanked my lucky stars that it was so easy to treat. Although when I'd be able to come off them as there was nothing in my situation that caused my depression and so no contributing factors.
Anyway after 5 years the prothiaden seemed to stop working and I came off it but didn't feel nowhere near as bad (suprisingly) as I had done prior to taking anything at all. The Doctor switched me to 20mg of Seroxat and within about 3 days it worked and I felt so much better. I remember thinking how powerful it felt though. I stayed on Seroxat for about 3 years and then decided to go it alone so came off it pretty much cold turkey. After about 3 weeks of touch and go I started to feel ok and carried on that way for about 3 years.
Then 4 years ago (when I was 35) all the symptoms of depression started to appear again, the lethargy, anxiety, lack of motivation etc, after a horrendous holiday in Portugal where I seemed to hit rock bottom. I started trying Antidepressants again, this time with far less success and probably went through about 10 different drugs and different combinations in about 2 years. Two years ago the Doc decided to try me on higher dose of 40mg and it seemed to start helping although nowhere near as much as it had done.
Now two years on I don't feel the Seroxat helping, lately I've felt in a daze with very little motivation and just constantly smoking, yesterday I tried smoking a bit of weed which actually seemed to help. Now I'm wondering what to do next and I'm worried (have been really for the last four years) when I realised that sometimes depression is just not that easy to treat and you start to wonder if you are actually depressed as antidepressants don't even seem to help. Though Anti = against not for. I was supposed to be on 60mg of Seroxat but I held back as I thought if I could just manage on 40mg then I had some leaway to go up incase I ever needed to, maybe now I need to but scared that 60mg won't work or that if it it does where do I go next when that stops working?
All I want is to get to a place where a low dose of Antidepressant works again and I'm wondering whether ECT can do that.
I guess the question is if you do find something that really helps what do you do, just thank your lucky stars stay on them until they quit working and just hope they bring something new out in the future?
I do a lot of research on the net and I'm not sure whether I should be optimistic or pessimistic about it, as they still don't seem to be any closer to finding out what causes it.
In all the time I've been depressed (or whatever it is) I've never had one single brain scan. I really wish they could see inside the brain to see what is happening when something actually works.
poster:Denise1966
thread:503075
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050521/msgs/503075.html