Posted by Mr.Scott on June 9, 2005, at 2:07:42
In reply to MEDICINE IS WRONG!, posted by prozacpuppet on June 6, 2005, at 5:54:41
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Here's my before and after. I deal with a mood disorder of which I believe is a serious disease. Sometimes even fatal. And also that like other diseases it can benefit from appropriate medical intervention. This is merely my experience and my opinion.
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Today:
Eating sundaes at a historic soda fountain (where the Beatles once dined) with friends who I'm actually comfortable being myself with after working a full day and actually caring about the job to boot. Thinking about the homework assignment from my therapist due this week dealing with 'what I really want in a life partner.' Just talking to other people and not getting so anxious and thinking I'm so different. Looking forward to reading the same book as my girlfriend so we can discuss it...Quite a change from...
Before:
Wanting to sleep all the time. Being uncommunicative with people to the point of losing relationships. Being too tired to read books, or hold conversations of interest. Feeling too anxious to participate in relationships unless I was essentially emotionally abusive so as to qwell my fears by creating them in others. Being irritable and even mean because I felt so poorly about myself and so inadequate. Obsessed with everything thats bad and feeling it to the point of a numb immobility. Certain the world is just a place where people take advantage of you. And of course having suicidal/morbid thoughts with or without the intent of following through on them. When I was depressed my grandmother who raised me passed away. I never shed a tear and actually found the whole affair annoying to me. All while doing weekly therapy with multiple therapists.Today:
I'm anxious to hear back from grad schools and about the opportunities out there. Which road to take? Should I go to school or take the new job offer? No longer ruminating to the point of sickness because I'm convinced that I'm unlovable and worthless due to a serious mental illness or that I'll never amount to anything because it will hold me back from whatever my potential might be. Knowing true love and friendship today and seeing its benefits. I watch myself make mistakes now all the time and have to say I'm sorry at least twice a week. When depresssed I never participated enough to mess up! And if I did you could forget about ever hearing an admission of such. I am more vulnerable than ever now in relationships and feel much more comfortable with it. Today if I saw a 'cat' in pain (let alone my grandmother dying of cancer), I'd feel it. I'd want to help it. I'd actually try to.It's a disease allright...True the meds/treatments aren't perfect, sometimes even downright harmful...but the disease is sometimes fatal. Should we have the willingness to do whatever it takes to be right of mind, or lose time and risk deat?. It's not the drugs/treatments that make life worth living...It's life that makes life worth living but only if you are able see the potential rewards.
I never had Faith...Today I find it helpful. My work in therapy is stronger and more rewarding whereas before it was virtually wasted money. Before I could be in a room full of people and yet feel all alone with my self-absorbed, negative and often morbid thoughts.
In a vaccum I bet meds wouldn't treat depression very well. In life 'where stuff happens' sometimes meds or even other somatic treatments can help with depression. And when your family history includes multiple suicides, dysthymia, anxiety disorders, etc. and you never even knew these people and then you start to feel sick yourself...maybe its worth considering this is an illness with a touch of biology involved. That doesn't mean you have to rule out Religion or God or Yoga or Diet or Psychotherapy or More Vacation Time or Exercise or Whatever as things to get some help from. Chances are you'll find some in those things (You definately might when your not depressed anymore!), but if those in and of themselves don't give reprieve from insanity than you only harm yourself by not seeking out the consult of an Expert Physician who Specializes in the treatment of your particular concern and seeing if that might not help.
There are no guarantees in life, but as long as you're here wouldn't it be nice or rather normal to experience the uncertainty of it all and be able tolerate it without too much upheavel? To be able to feel the pain of existence as well as the pleasure... instead of having to hide away often too lonely, too scared, and too tired to know anything other than the sickening repetition of your own negative and perceptually inacurate thoughts?
For me its no longer a question...
Scott
poster:Mr.Scott
thread:508338
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050606/msgs/509939.html