Posted by barbaracat on August 5, 2005, at 16:42:50
In reply to Re: What to try next for stubborn Biplar? » barbaracat, posted by MidnightBlue on August 5, 2005, at 15:15:51
I resisted a BP dx because I didn't want the stigma of what I thought at the time meant 'crazy'. I'd read Patty Duke's account and others and I didn't think I fit the description of their type of manic. But my depressions were also different from the typical ones and stumped most pdocs I'd seen, along with the fact that I didn't do well on SSRIs or any other type of psych med.
I'd have the garden variety sort of depressions, apathetic, lethargic, cynical, grey. But then there would be the truly horrific nightmarish ones, agitated, wailing, despairing, psychotic. And the intense crippling anxiety. I didn't realize these types were bipolar mixed-states depressions.
SSRIs would help at first but then quickly poop and raising the doses would make things worse with panic attacks. The black agitated depressions would always break through no matter how high a dose I went (and probably contributed to it).
As for mania, I did recognize that I'd had times of super energy, multiple plans going on, quick mercurial thinking, but I didn't know about hypomania. I associated mania with the wild florid types you read about. So I didn't think I fit the mold and taking lithium was an admission to something I wasn't ready for.
Only after being on lithium when I was able to think clearly and those horrible increasing nightmare depressions stopped could I honestly admit to myself that indeed I had more than a few classic super duper manias, and they all looked very different. Some were like mystical ecstacies, some were out of control crazy behavior.
I used to drink to calm the anxiety and whoo boy, when alcohol and mania clash! Gasoline on fire! I have little memory of some real wild times my concerned friends told me about afterwards. What I also didn't know was that anxiety, irritability, rage and instense fear are forms of manic dysphoria.
As I got to learn about the condition, I could recognize my symptoms quite clearly as classic Bipolar I. You only need one out-there true manic episode to fit the BP-I dx, and I'd had many. And the fact that I fortunately respond to lithium so well confirms it for me. Why it took so long, after 30 years of seeing pdocs for it to be recognized is a mystery.
I absolutely hated depakote and don't blame you for saying no to all those meds at once. Remeron turned me into a carb and sweet guzzling machine and I don't even like sugar. Gained 40 pounds on it and it didn't even work. This was before lithium. But yes, it is hard to lose weight on Li. But exercising my fanny off to stay sane is worth it and works out the stress too.
Even if you're not bipolar, many new schools of though recommend taking a mood stabilizer along with an AD for the augmenting and the lessening of poop out. For me I seem to need both lithium and an AD because my depressions are so entrenched in my world view and I quickly go there with stress. Fortunately, now that I'm on lithium, the ADs work. - Barbara
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> Question if you don't mind. You said you resisted the bipolar dx. Were you "obviously" manic or hypomanic at times? or was it because you did not respond to SSRIs well? I have a long long history of severe depression. At one point Lithium was suggested along with 1000 depakote (for migraines) 350 Wellbutrin and Ambien. I flat out said no. I was sick of the doctor stacking up drugs that just make me apathetic and fat. He said he did not think I was/am bipolar. That was about 4 years ago. I wasn't eager to jump on the Remeron bandwagon either because of weight gain.
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> MB
> > Lithium has made all the difference in my life. It actually augments the effect of ADs so you generally don't need as much and the dose stays more stable. Microdosing is not something that you'll easily find references to on the internet, but a few of us bipolars on this board have discovered that it works for us.
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> > For whatever reason, our chemistry and genetics seem to make it difficult to clear certain meds out of our system and they end up circulating longer and building up causing the various serotonin syndromes and noradreline anxieties from too high concentrations. Micro dosing takes care of this since lithium and the bipolar chemistry seems to potentiate the meds.
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> > I can now get by with about 1/4 or less than the typical dose of SSRIs that would be prescribed for unipolar depression. More than that wigs me out badly. This doesn't extend to benzos unfortunately. I need to keep my anxiety levels very cool and calm and so I take the standard dose of ativan and ambien for sleep. Although ANY med changes character and has an effect at a very small dose. I can take a sliver of a benzo and feel it definitely affect me with a different feel. All so interesting.
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> > I really urge you to look into your hormone profile, thyroid especially. If they are out of whack you'll have all the symptoms of a serious mood disorder that no psych meds can help with.
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poster:barbaracat
thread:537167
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050803/msgs/537946.html