Posted by kerria on August 31, 2005, at 16:01:30
i just came from the painmangemt dr's office. The terrible pain isn't being managed and the dr won't manage it.He wan'ts me to be in pain to get a correct diagnosis- FOR MONTHS I 've been in pain.
it doesn't feel right to allow my self to live in torture- to allow this dr and others who had an opportunity to help me and didn't help me.
They are making me live in torture, i'm losing my job- i can't work- i try everyday to take meds and it takes hours to try to control the pain but there's still a terrible constant burning.
TEARS.Some of my parts don't know that they haven't just been beaten up or s.a. It isn't morrally right for me to let myself be tortured i can't keep doing this. Everything is falling apart . i can't do ant thing. All there is is pain. i love my kids. i love my H but he dosn't love me and will divorce me. My kids are learning to hate the monster the pain is making me become. IT HURTS SO MUCH. ALL THE TIME.
Drs make fun of me- she has DID- she has 'pelvic pain.' lol
There somehow isn't a test that shows the source. we've been surgery- taken apart, taken everything out. We had all the tests- bone marrow tests- we are --NO I am dying anywyas- i have an M-protein spike- it will be multiple myeloma if it isn't already- and i will die a painful and terrible death. i want to do the right thing. Is it ok to die now because no one will treat my pain when i'm dying anyways?It's so hard to live with pain- it's triggering and it HURTS SO MUCH. i'm losing my job because it hurts to much to come in. my life is nothing but torture and i'm not strong enough to live in pain,
i'm so afraid of going to a hospital- that's the worse that can happen- my parts have nothing to ground to and they won't treat my pain at all. i'll scream and scream with no relief.Please PLEASE don't tell me to call T.
i did anyways- he didn't call back. It's hours later. Thanks T.we need mercy . God's mercy to stop the agony i've suffered so so so long. enough is enough. No one can ever help me.
Tears, i'm hopeless- psychologically and physically.How did i get in so much troble.?
Everything is so bad and i want to die.kerria
poster:kerria
thread:549280
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050827/msgs/549280.html