Posted by mellymel_d on September 13, 2005, at 17:38:34
In reply to Re: To Spriggy, CVs, Tom (f*cking) Cruize and meds, posted by denise1966 on September 12, 2005, at 8:31:15
> Thanks Spriggy.
>
> Why is it that some of us have to feel this total despair while others never have to go through it??? It seems so unfair, don't we all derserve something extra special at the end of it just to make up for all those bad times.
>
> I sometimes think maybe if there is such a thing as Reincarnation, my next life will make up for all the crap I've been through in this life.
>
> You know I was trying to do my CV the other day, and this lady from the agency sent me an example of some other CVS done by some seemingly, dynamic, depression free, contented people, who'd really been successful in there careers. I was thinking what do I put in mine, I felt like putting.
>
> Managed to get through 4 years at IBM and implement some successful projects, inspite of feeling suicidal, panicy, spaced out, sweating profucely, extremely apathetic - Istn't that more of an achievement than theirs.
>
> Managed to facicilate a Monday morning conference call inspite of the fact that I'd spent the previous weekend, walking and walking not caring where I was going, feeling suicidal, frantic etc but still managed to get up Monday morning and do that conference call and carry on for the rest of the f*cking day.
>
> Sorry, it just seems so unfair sometimes and the worst thing is nobody who hasn't been through it really understands at all. They have absolutely no idea what it's like. I'm sure they think we're just weak minded people who just need to get a grip! God how I wish (and I know this sounds bad) that Tom Cruise would suddenly have a breakdown and have a nice (at least) 4 year bout of depression, it disgusts me how he can sit there on his high horse pontificating on how people shouldn't take antidepressants.
>
>
> Zyprexa helps me just fine so I really don't need to take Seroquel I just want to not need atypical antipsychotics altogether but I realise how lucky I am that I'm there if and when I need them.
>
> Like I said in my previous note I'm just hoping high dose Seroxat will help a bit again, I was starting to feel numb on it but give me numb any day over anxiety.
>
> Sorry if this note is a bit long winded, got carried away :-)
>
> All the best....Denise
>
>
>
>Denise- MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY! I know I've accomplished so much in my professional career and I get paid well to do it. Own my own home, have 2 beautiful healthy children, a husband who *tries* to understand ( I say tries from your sentence above- nobody can understand that hasn't went through it) SO with all that said - WHAT THE F@#$ IS WRONG WITH ME? Why am I plagued by these anxious thoughts and feelings? Why am I depressed all the time? Why can't I see myself through rose colored glasses at least...
I feel your pain Denise, and I'm going through it with you sweetie.
The only thing that keeps me from suicidal thoughts is I would NEVER leave that burden on my children. I wouldn't want them to have to wonder forever what they could've done. I live for them.
poster:mellymel_d
thread:553615
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050909/msgs/554743.html