Posted by 4wd on October 18, 2005, at 22:28:08
In reply to Anyone else find the walls interesting?, posted by Maxime on October 16, 2005, at 23:14:27
> Apathy. Numbness. Worthless. These are some of the factors that have kept me confined to my bed. I have no energy, yet I can't sleep. I just stare at the walls. I can't read or watch TV. I just look at the walls and the ceiling. I keep hoping I will feel something. I will cut sometimes to make sure I am real and still here. I am not crying anymore. I force myself out of bed to check my emails since it is some form of contact with the outside world. But even that exhausts me. So I retreat to my bed. Wish I had a laptop.
>
> Has anyone else had this kind of depression? What got you out of it?
>
> Sloth.
>
> MaximeOh Maxime, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. There is a poem by Coleridge that kind of describes it "Dejection: An Ode" or maybe "Ode to Dejection"
Do you ever get to the point of feeling so horrible that you cry uncontrollably? Sometimes that helps me. To just let go, feel as horrible as I possibly can, think I can't go on, surrender to it and let it have me and think I can't bear it. After an hour or so of weeping (and praying) I will drag myself up from the floor, make myself take a shower and realize I have found some small measure of relief. I'm not there right now , I"m feeling okay at this moment but that has worked a little bit in the past.
How do you think you would feel if you were on no meds? Could you feel worse than you do? Starting with a clean slate and all that? Shock the system? I don't know. I don't have the experience that others here have with meds - I can only offer empathy and share in your sorrow.
Love,
Marsha
poster:4wd
thread:567980
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051017/msgs/568707.html