Posted by tecknohed on December 31, 2005, at 20:22:21
In reply to Re: Odd but serious query, posted by linkadge on December 31, 2005, at 16:45:59
Happy New Year indeed!
To make things a bit clearer, I'll give an example.
I am DEFINITELY NOT hypo-manic. However, from the outside it would certainly seem a possibility. Since just before Xmas, I started using nasty/beautiful caffeine again. Well lets just call it a binge.
About 4 days ago I started to CRASH. Oh boy! I ached, I sweated and I slept 36hrs having continuous nightmares. But thats nothing new.
Friday I'm on the redbulls/guarana/dark choc again taking in loads caffeine (500mg ish which is a lot for me). Saturday I'm still awake, go to town and buy some Pep Pills. OOPS!
It's now 1:35am 1st Jan 06 and I'm still up and just took my last 2 Peps. I'll probably knock myself out in the morn with a Klonopin or two.
Now, here's the thing. I haven't been 'up' on caffein the whole time. In fact yesturday I went most of the day without any despite nearly dozing several times, feeling a bit sketchy and down AND going to town to face all those shoppers in this state. I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO SLEEP.
Sleep feels like a 'Killjoy'. As if I might miss something if I 'waste' my hours unconscious.
I often go for months on end caffein free but still I often try to stay up day-night-day on little more than my meds & PC. I normally end up waking at 5am with my head on my keyboard, often feeling 'defeated' by sleep.I beleive I've had a sleeping disorder maybe since pre-teens. Could never get out of bed in the morn. Everyone says that's normal. Not in my case. That played a big part in my failing school completely. In more recent years, I've had issues with stim misuse. Even caffein now feels like a 'hard' drug. I cannot apply for a day job because I know I will not make it on time for mornings. I'm stuck with night shifts. And I've spent many wasted months at a time on SSRIs which stoll a lot of my precious awake time. Nightmares are a big nuisance at times too.
So you can see why I might not be a big fan of sleep. I've little respect for it and find it wastes my time.
Of course the logical intelligent part of me (what there is left of it) knows I need sleep to heel, to grow, to recuperate, to live. But that side of me is just far too easy to block out.
Sorry for the marathon post. It's not an easy problem to explain. But like I said, that was all just an example of course ;-)
poster:tecknohed
thread:593762
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051231/msgs/593827.html