Posted by bigcat on January 6, 2006, at 11:03:21
Ahhhhh, remission. Beautiful, beautiful remission. My god I love you all. Take your medecine. Have patience. It won't always be like this. All Things Must Pass. The nature of life is change, and you're doing it right now, and desperate spirals out of control can help the occasional good time feel like the most serene, wonderful gift imaginable. If you're struggling, you'll find relief. Don't envy those who are happy all the time. As hard as it is to believe and as painful and frustrating as it is, there is a noble and profound element to suffering. Endure and persevere. You will. I've tried every med more than once, 15 ECT's, long periods of suicidal ideations, a truly vegetative state. Effexor, Buspar, and Lamictal are working for me. The Effexor has been teasing me, coming in with an amazing rush and fading out miserably. I've been too unmotivated and confused to even bother taking the Buspar and Lamictal, as I thought the occasional, fleeting break-up of the depression was all the Effexor. Maybe the Buspar is finally working, knocking the anxiety out, and freeing my mind to think!!! I love acess to my mind and being kind and responsive to others, and caring for and about myself finally. If this should pass, please remind me to heed my own advise and continue fighting. It's all you can do. Don't give up on meds, but don't think you're mind is totally powerless. Use moments of clarity to dissect your depression and gain insight about destructive thought patterns. The will and thought alone are WAY more powerful than I could ever have imagined. I always thought it was a 100% chemical screw-up, but taming your own mind is possible (with the help of meds, of course). I love and hope for you all. To a brighter day and a clearer vision of your worth and wonder :-). It's in you, even if you don't feel it now. I don't want to offer the cliche that life is worth living, because for many of us, at many times it just does not seem so. But we have, hope for, and understand eachother, even if noone else does, and we know what we're fighting for and what our true selves are capable of. You are all so much better people than you may believe. (My depressive self-loathing is horrendous, one of my most absolutely unbearable symptoms), so I can sympathize with this DEPRESSIVE DELUSION very dearly. Thank you ed. how's the bupe working form you psuedonym? phillipa, we all love you. med empowered, we are all humbled by you. SLS, Declan, all ya'll in the Nardil poopout-and-nothing-else-comes-close club (I thought I was a life member- guess not). Keep pushing for yourselves. I have seen you all progress and forge your own path to recovery, even if the present may seeem bleak. You NEVER KNOW!!. That is all I can promise you, and it's enough to go on. It's been all I've been going on for 7+ years. Thank you, thank you. Free and at peace at last.
-matt-
poster:bigcat
thread:595776
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051231/msgs/595776.html