Posted by fiftylager on February 6, 2006, at 8:15:16
Hi everyone. I'm such a chicken at the dr's and often fall apart and can't tell her what''s going on with me. If you don't mind, could you read my letter and tell me what you think? Thank-you
I've suffered a long time with mental illness but I don't know what's wrong. I suspect I may have bipolar 2. I've had problems since gr.6. At 15 years old I suffered a severe suicidal depression. A counsellor suggested bipolar and a psychiatrist said biological depression. I only saw them a few times and fell through the cracks, I soppose due to my own reluctance for help, as well as my parents denial. I must say, I'm not suicidal but things are spinning out of control and I ned help. My symptoms now are:
-mood swings (depressed, irrtitable, anxiety, okay)
-sleep too much
-eat too much
-No sex drive (or very little most the time)
-light-headed, foggy feeling
-so many fears
-fear of rejection and can't handle critiscm
-severe periods of anxiety every few months, lasting a week or 2 (racing thoughts, excessive talking, hyper feeling, can't sleep well, paranoia, feel like bugs are on my skin, feel like I'm going crazy) Could this be a form of hypomania?Meds
-Don't have a great history with them.
-prozac as a teen made me very hyper and agitated. I felt an obsessive need to harm myself (cutting, taking pills) I acted out sexually.
-I had a severe reaction to celexa (anxiety through the roof, I couldn't stand up, horrid electric shocks in body, paranoia - I almost went to the hospital.
-Wellbutrin wasn't as bad- light headed and spacey feeling, I felt very unaware and worried I couldn't take care of my children. A bit aggitated.
-lorazepam is helpful-it calms my body but not my mind, helps me sleep during diffiicult sleepless times.I have a bad family history. My mom suffers anxiety/depression and tried to kill herself befoere Christmas. Her brother was schizophrenic.
My father suffers social anxiety and bouts of depression. His sister committed suicide.
I'm so ashamed of my past but the last time I felt this unbalanced was then. My moods change so much and I fear my husband is going to get fed up with me. I only confided my past to him a couple of weeks ago. He was supportive but a little scared I think. I don't feel like harming myself but fear to get to that point. I just want peace in my mind.
Thank-you to those who read this letter. It feels good to have those who understand what is going on with me.
Crissi
poster:fiftylager
thread:606832
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060205/msgs/606832.html