Posted by maryhelen on March 27, 2006, at 11:59:32
Hi everyone:
It has been a long time since I have been able to come to the board, I have been seriously depressed, and just opening the computer becomes too difficult, never mind trying to get thoughts down. I believe psycho babble is truly a superb site with intelligent, well researched, caring, compassionate members who can share and really listen and empathize, as not many others can.... we are living in these dreadful mental illnesses and disorders, and so can therefore relate. We can also learn so much from each other as we do not all have to have the exact same illnesses, disorders, conditions, diseases ......you know what I mean.
The last couple of years for myself has been hell. After trying to fight, what has turned into treatment resistant depression for 25 years, and a lifetime of anhedonia, I have still needed to be hospitalized, yet again, once for 3 months. Over all these years there has been different medications, therapies, doctors ......... I am feeling so depressed and defeated and hopeless. The reason I am able to be at the computer this evening is because I broke my wrist and I have some pain medication, which is where my problem lies. After everything I have tried to beat the depression .....going back to beginning with the trycyclics, Prozac and then subsquently all of the SSSRI's, lithium, lamitcal, 2 different MOAI's, 8 psychiatric hospitalizations,(I live in Canada and even went to the States for one) combinations of many meds, mood stablizers, anti seizure medication, 4 drug treatment centres, 2 rounds of shock therapy 2 years apart, methadone and throughout it all the different types of talk therapy and spiritual counselling, church....... I have always given the recommended time in taking the medications, unless the side effects were so severe once or twice that I had to stop taking it. One was Wellbutrin (sp) the other desipramine. I am not writing this down feeling sorry for myself although I may sound somewhat whiny. I really was going to ask a simple question about Lamitcal, and now all of this has come out.
Except for an 8 week respite, when I took Lamitcal for the depression 3 years ago, my only relief from depression are from opiates, in particular percocetts. This does not mean that I am going out and having fun. I live alone very quietly. I have not been able to work for 5 years becasue of this depression, a job I managed to hold for 30 years, against all odds. I do though get the chance to do housework, sort out my bills and finances (not much money to pay them mind you), brush my teeth and get a shower without it being such a monumental task to do when I am depressed, feeling diabled in bed. I know well how this may sound, but it has been hell for me. Of course having been told and brainwashed early on in my treatment,even until this day depending on which doctor I am talking with, that I am depressed because I take these pills. Therefore the many treatment centres, followed by years of 12 step programs and no pill taking. However, the depression would still stay with me, follow me wherever I go. I have had the same psychiatrist for the past 5 years, whom I met in a drug treatment centre, so he is very familiar with my situation. He has tried so many different meds and therapy with me and I know now that he is understading and recognizing the relief I get from the depression is with the darn opiates, certainly has credibility and knows this is the case for many. I know that, during the times of suicidal depression, despite being in hospital trying new meds with no effect, that it has been the relief I get from the depression with the percocetts, that has kept me alive. The reality is that I know this is only a temporary solution. When we tried the methadone my psych doctor felt that it would stop the use of pills, which it did, the chronic physical pain that I live with, which it did, but the prescribing doctor did not agree with using the meth for the depression and would not and did not precribe a high enough dose. I was going into full withdrawal every day until the morning dose, turning into an animal. Hospitalized once again, and being unheard, it wasn't until a wrong dose was given to me in the afternoon, a dose which could have killed me. Yet, my metabolism ate it up like it was nothing, and they finally listened and knew I was metabolizing meth quicker than anyone they had treated. Sorry, going on too long. The rest of the story with the meth was hell. I have not been on it for 6 months. Ironically, I know it would have helped the depression because it did for the 6 hours that it worked in my system. Again an opiate. I now have been waiting a long time for the Canadian Government to release a med similar to meth called buprenorphine.
In the meantime my pyschiatrist is trying to get me a bed and feels at this point we should try another round of shock treatment. I guess we are running out of options.
After all of this my question is about Lamitcal. I did get incredible relief from it about 3 years ago but the response only lasted for 8 weeks. I think that I remember reading here that others had experienced the same thing.
What I have been prescribed now is:
Lamitcal .... slowly and possibly up to 400 mg
Lithium ..... now at 900 mg.
Cipralex (Escitalopram) 25 mg. I do not know about this medication. I think it is one of the newer antidepressants. I have been unable to be on this site or research it due to the depression.
I do not want a third round of shock therapy. I would hope that the buprenorphine would be released and try it first.
In the meantime I will continue with the currrent regime and try to stand the depression and not get the percocetts, which is very hard to do.
If anyone has read through this long post and has any comments about the med combination and about reintroducing the Lamitcal ... or any experiences with Lamitcal, I would be so very grateful.
maryhelen
poster:maryhelen
thread:625168
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060322/msgs/625168.html