Posted by CEK on April 3, 2006, at 17:47:45
In reply to Re: drop the seroquel, posted by med_empowered on April 3, 2006, at 12:07:43
Thank you all for responding to my situation. You are the only people that I have to discuss these things with because no one else understands. They haven't been there or done that or however I should put it. My husband tries to keep my "situation" hush hush, I guess so no one will talk bad about me "being crazy." I don't mind anyone slamming my pdoc. I do it all the time. He has supposedly been a pdoc for 35 years but I feel like he doesn't know his but from a hole in the ground. At our first meeting he told me he was against the benzos because he thinks they are only a temporary fix and that they can be habit forming. My sister has been on Adivan for her panic disorder for 7years and she said she doesn't know what she would do without it. She was house bound by panic before she started it. My mother and I feel like if something helps you, so what. My sister has been pushing for me to get my doctor to let me try a benzo and see if that helps, but I told her how he is. I've got another appointment with him on the 20th,but I also have an appointment with a new pdoc on May 4. I couldn't get in to see him for 6 weeks when I first made the appointment, but I made it anyway and figured I'd deal with this pdoc until then. I'm interested to see how he wants to go about my treatment. I'm to the point of trying street drugs or buying Xanax off of some weirdo to see if anything helps. I'm holding off on that though. Sometimes I feel like I'd be better off going back to the Effexor and having no brain fuction and wanting to eat all day. I was still very depressed and had no disire to do anything and the mood swings were out of control, but at least I wasn't irritable and I was able to force myself to go to work. I had just hoped that there was something out there that would help me to live life and not deal with it. One thing I know for sure is that I need more therapy. I see a psychologist now that does neurofeedback and life coaching but he doesn't think it's important to deal with past promblems. He says the past is in the past and that you need to focus on the future. He says it's a waste of time to try to "fix" the past when there's nothing you can do about it today. I thought that most therapist wanted to help you deal with past hurts so you could go on with the future. I need help dealing with past problems. I feel like they are at the heart of my problems that I have today. Problems with my father all my life(he's bipolar but won't admite it, says I'm the crazy one. He has mean, hateful manic episodes and cuses and hurts everyone that is close to him all the time)I've cut all ties with him. I don't allow him to mentally hurt myself or my children anymore. I made this decision last year August and don't have any regrets about it. But the main source of my pain and anger came on 6 years ago when I was first put on the ADs. My husband had an affair after 1.5 years of marriage and it almost killed me, literally. I know people talk about PTSD happening with tragic things but I feel like I suffered with it over the affair. For 5years I relived it and bawled over it everyday. Everything reminded me of it and I tried to avoid everything that did.(songs on the radio, movies, places, sex) After 5 years I finally got to where I didn't cry about it anymore, I just got bitter about it. My husband and I stayed together and he's the most wonderful man in the world since then, but it still is at the core of me. I can not allow myself to pysically get close to him, even kissing because it brings back all the pain and makes me feel like I hate him. I don't know how any doctor could think this is something that doesn't need to be delt with. It feels stupid to even bring it up after all those years so I don't discuss it anymore. I'm sorry to ramble on and on. I know people here see a responce or thread from CEK and think "Oh God! Don't even read that one. That woman won't shut her mouth!" The doctors say it's part of my bipolar problem. I never realized this. One councilor told me he thought that I just had a lot to say. Sorry everyone.
poster:CEK
thread:624274
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060403/msgs/628392.html