Posted by Meri-Tuuli on April 5, 2006, at 10:52:34
In reply to Reward pathways and motivation » Meri-Tuuli, posted by pseudoname on April 5, 2006, at 8:38:53
Hi again!
> I realized last night (so I dunno yet if it's a reliable insight) that the criticism I fear is not of the job I'm about to do, but of my entire life up to that point. It's like by doing X I'll open myself up to deep, wide-ranging eviscerations of everything I've ever done or not done. Always by comparison to others, which was my dad's vicious style.
Tell me about it! I constantly compare myself to others (which is obviously not a healthy thing to do) -- I compare myself to the other gradutes in my class and I'm like, 'they're working at such a such a company in a good position' and I'm unemployed!! The thing is, I know I was just as clever etc as them, and then I get frustrated because I had to take a semester out due to severe depression and I also dropped out of teacher training as well because of it, and then I just took a low level admin job because I didn't have the confidence to get a job more suited to my educational background. And then I see my fellow classmates and friends from uni doing these 'good' jobs that I wouldn't even have the confidence to apply for......
and I get super frustrated with myself, my situation and my mental health problems. I feel trapped by my inability to have any confidence in myself. SIgh. Any advice?? CBT?
I'm trying to view my mental disorders like a physical illness, it somehow makes it abit more acceptable that I've not accomplished as much as I would have liked to. That and a quote from that Baz Luhrman song 'class of 98 wear sunscreen' ... I think its like 'sometimes we're ahead, and sometimes we're behind, but in the end the race is only with ourselves'.
poster:Meri-Tuuli
thread:628681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060403/msgs/629176.html