Posted by snapper on May 20, 2006, at 3:22:32
God...Da**mn this illness. It sabbotages most every aspect of your your life! I Feel I am beyond trying new med combos's and different modalities of treatment. I am so sorry to be so negative , melancholic , and morose. I have tried most every thing out there !! Ect (2 x) Second time, I was to anxious to tolerate the procedure! I have done the meds, I have done the counseling, I have done the meds and med combos, and at times, I feel like there is nothing left. I am sooooooo sorry to be so negative. I do wish I could drink away this misery. The only reason I am writing this to you all is because I feel that a good deal of you will understand. I try. My truest ally is a fair amount of alcohol and a good sleep. I know. Please do not lecture me on the woes or otherwise of alcohol and or alcohol and or meds. At this point I am not doing heavy meds and booze . I am sad. I feel Like alcohol is a small part of my previous life of " half normalcy".... I am on SSI and wish I could come back from this oblivion of mental brain "fuc*&ag%" I almost instinctively know it to be a cruel joke. Yes... I know... They say there is always something ne around the corner. However, let me pose these questions......1 How can one find hope in the fact that MAOI's are best suited for my atypical and re-fractory type of depression and I can't tolerate Nardil---and Parnate "Pooped " out on me in 1993---plus other very Negative mitigative factors offer me any hope of hope? 55 to 60 Meds .... be of much solace? Must I live this present life out in a shadow of mere existence of BP II? Atyp plus SP and OCD and De-realization and Nihlism/anhedonia for all of life? I don't know . I have seen some of the "best" Pdocs and therapists and others in hope of a small semblence of a " normal life" I am liveing just to live" What good is that. I am sorry ...so sorry for the post of such negativity" and worthlessness" I just had to tell someone!
Thanks for reading , listening, and any responces are greatly appreciated
snapper
poster:snapper
thread:646154
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060515/msgs/646154.html